Annoucement: I'm gonna move my blog to Blogwind, the young and promising website created by our young and promising seniors. I'll be transferring all the stuff for the time being.

本女侠的网志搬家了。^^

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How many of us actually know what we are pursuing? Somehow, we just keep going, believing that the answer is lying somewhere ahead.

How many people lived and died without knowing what they lived and died for? I don't wanna become one of them someday.

Why do I feel that I'm at a loss after all the exams're done? Is it so empty deep inside my heart that I have to constantly occupy myself with work/activities, so as not to let the emptiness reveal itself?

Or am I just becoming unnecessarily sentimental right now, as a result of staying up through the night?

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下午，小女子出门逛街。

终于买了手套，就在ChinaTown的一间广东人开的小店。浅蓝色，毛茸茸的白色花边，有点偏大，但是非常可爱。我付完钱后就迫不及待地戴上了。走在寒风凛冽的街上，我得意的几乎想大喊“让寒冬来得更猛烈些吧！”。

在一家叫“中关村”( ！)的店里买了一盒50个的CD-R，准备把最近下载的好电影都刻下来。

在ChinaTown一家拥挤的超市，买了好多吃的。

回到宿舍，与拥有炒锅的小白同志合作，一阵忙乎后，我吃到了思念已久的空心菜。虽然味道不如家里的(估计是菜本身的问题 --“南橘北枳”)，还是让人有种满足的感动。

再次出门，算是饭后散步。

先到Dominion,然后过马路进Shopper's Drug Mart。买了NIVEA的shower cream和moisturizer, 我很喜欢的清香。

再顺路去了GS Fine Food买鱼食和蒜，然后打道回府。路边有个大屏幕，上面显示着： -7 degrees Celsius。有新手套的人不怕冷。^^

这种感觉真好。

我要做个平凡而幸福的小女人。^^

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I'm almost done! Econ's over, Stat's over, French's over, ActSci's over. I'm only left with CSC on Monday.

Phew. I feel so good. You know what, people--if you've read my last blog--I was wrong. The consequence of slacking during the last few days is getting totally stressed up in the last minute. This morning I stuided ActSci until 5am, went to sleep for 3 hours, and then went to take the 3-hour exam. And it turned out to be much more difficult than I expected. I managed to finish all questions but had absolutely no time to double-check. The moral of the story is, never under-estimate your enemy.

Another episode: for my first exam, I brought my own draft-paper into the exam hall(excuse me for having no common sense >_<), and the invigilators didn't notice it until the exam was over. So I was confronted by this lady. Her anger didn't seem pacified at all by my apology for not knowing the rule. When she uttered the phrase "serious academic offence", my heart sank and I was expecting the worst...but in the end, she let me go. She did not ask for my name or student number. I wonder if this can be called a narrow escape.

Sigh with relief...

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Thanks to the powerful DC++, I've downloaded and watched 6 movies in three days, plus some Doraemon cartoons(^^ my favourite when I was a child). Not to mention the tons of music albums that I've added to my collection. Now I understand why back in TCHBS those guys were so keen on downloading stuff. Give any human being a computer and unlimited high-speed internet access, and just watch him/her become addicted.

Just now I had a sudden craving for cheese burger, so I put on my winter clothes and walked to Burger King for take-away. It was dark outside, drizzling softly. As I walked alone on my way back, I felt this upwelling of joy. How blessed I am that I was able to get myself what I wanted, even it's as insignificant as a burger. Or maybe it's the sense of freedom, freedom to do what I want, that made me feel so grateful at that moment. I guess we all have moments like this in our life, moments at which we appreciate and wanna cherish seemingly trivial things.

Anyway...It's not as if I've had my final exams yet, but I'm already in a holiday mood. I feel that nothing can be more difficult than the tests in HwaChong, so there's no need to be too stressed up. =P

But still, I've gotta mug soon.

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It was supposed to be a nice day. But I don't know what to say now. I'm pissed off by them, I'm unhappy. But I can't tell them. They won't understand.

They are not to blame. Just that we are so different.

And it's at moments like this that I can't help missing my old friends, who are so far away from me now. I know things would have been different with anyone of them by my side now.

I miss you all very much, very very much...

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It's 11 in the morning. I woke up, rubbed my eyes, glanced at the window,and something caught my attention. I jumped off from the bed right away and plunged forward to the window.

I screamed.

I saw a fairytale world. A world of snow.I had been looking forward to this day all the time. However mentally prepared I could be, I was still struck by the picture right in front of me. For a moment I thought I couldn't breathe.

The central field is white. The roofs are white. The pathways are white. The trees are white.

There's no other color in the world as beautiful,as graceful, and yet as peaceful as white.

I stared with awe...

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I found the candies hanging on my door this afternoon. It's from my dons. How sweet of them... =)

Exams are coming. Starting from last week,,23 hours of a day(except 5-6pm) are designated as Quiet Hours in our hall. No more parties, no more loud music.My poor neighbour (THE rock-music-lover) is having a hard time.=P

有关小时候的模糊记忆里，我似乎特别讨厌跟爸妈的朋友打招呼的时候。每次他们叫我
跟谁问好，我都会看一眼那些叔叔阿姨，然后十有九次，都觉得自己不喜欢他们，于
是很不情愿地很勉强地毫无笑容地小声问好敷衍过去，迅速潜回自己的房间里。其实我
也不知道怎么样的大人当时的自己才会喜欢，太过严肃正经的我不喜欢，热情地一个劲
问我话的我也不喜欢。小孩子的评审标准总是很奇怪的。（不过可以肯定的是我从小到
大都是很尊重甚至是崇拜老师的。这种尊师情结到现在都还有。没办法，从小学，东
中，Cedar，到HwaChong，我遇到太多的好老师了。这是后话。）

总而言之，我从小就很理所当然地把人分为大人和非大人两类。而我不喜欢大人的情形
似乎一直到我去新加坡前也没多大变化。

中四那年，爸妈来新加坡看我。当时有件小事妈妈至今记忆犹新：我去他们住的酒店时
顺便见了跟他们一起出来玩的同事。当房间里只剩下我和妈两人时，我说：“妈妈，我不喜欢XX。他第一眼见我的时候分明把我从头到脚打量了一遍，给我打分，确定我有一定的价值，然后才露出微笑伸出右手说你好。我不喜欢这样的人。”

妈妈很是吃惊。她没想到她的女儿已经对“势利”这个词有所认识了，更主要的是，对成人的评审标准已经升级了，不那么莫名其妙了。

我在那几年里确实成长了不少，并且开心地发现爸妈开始把我当“准大人”一样平等对话了。

再次回到家里，再次接触那些大人，我开始学习像欣赏同辈一样去欣赏大人，学会喜欢那些善良的大人。我开始跟亲戚以外的成人聊天。我发现他们有些已经把我当大人一样看待。这让我稍稍惊喜之余也觉得不安。

以前我并不是个整洁的小孩，总是因为不叠被子或者东西乱扔乱放而被妈妈说。当时就想大人们怎么就这么挑剔这么麻烦呢。这好像也变了。前不久的一天，我去别人房间玩，忍不住又数落了一下他们房间的脏乱，说你们真该好好收拾一下。然后小我三岁的Chuck一脸认真地说了一句 "Yes, Mum！",让我在佯装愤怒地抗议后，一个人愣了好久。

其实，想想，我是不是真的已经变成大人了？别误会，我没有扮单纯的意思（我知道我已过了有资格装的年龄了 >_< ），我是真的不肯定我的心理年龄有没有和我的实际年龄齐肩并进？我是该继续躲在大学的象牙塔里装孩子，等着时间把我变成一个真正的大人，还是应该主动地勇敢地往成人的世界迈进？

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看完了华新社区的连载《桃花煞》，没有特别的感动，里面的情节没有什么刻骨铭心的痛苦 -- 其实这才比较接近现实。痛苦是那么深刻的奢侈的感情，我们能有多痛苦？大多时候只是郁闷（虽然我不喜欢这个词并且讨厌这种状态）罢了。

读的时候出奇地平静，似乎一切情节都在意料之中。最后阿信令人失望的改变，我都能理解。我并不讨厌阿信，我也相信他到那天晚上为止都是很喜欢女主角的。只是感觉这种东西，真的是很微妙的啊。

其实两个人如果对这份感情的expectation不一样，就不应该决定在一起。

觉得自己和女主角在陷入感情后（就是那晚在QQ上摊牌后）的思考方式和态度很相似。我们都是那种最怕成为别人的负担的人。是因为骄傲，也是因为不自信。

看到后来女主角抓来甲乙丙问“为什么”那一段忍不住笑了。真可爱。不过，感情的事通常都搞不清楚为什么的。跌倒了，站起来，带上大脑，跟着感觉继续走下去就是了。

我们都一边受伤，一边又伤害着别人。

我对Gino的总的印象也不错，和这样的人做朋友（friends, and friends only)是件开心的事。女主角后来觉得他缺乏坦诚而很是伤心失望。但我想也许在Gino生长的文化氛围里，人们就是没有把工作方面的事跟朋友分享的习惯。况且朋友有好多种，只要在某一方面有共鸣就行，不一定要对对方的个人世界了解得一清二楚。

文章里面还有这么一句话：“坚强，是很容易做到的。因为害怕软弱带来的伤害。”我很喜欢。

最后要说的是：我对不起我的眼睛。也没算一共盯了几个小时的屏幕，总之很累就是了。昨晚开始看的，今天中午一觉醒来后除了厨房和washroom就哪都没去过，一直呆在电脑前。刚刚往窗外一看，竟然已经天黑了！我忏悔。下不为例。如果能做到的话。

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Have you ever adored somebody so much that it becomes an obsession?

I do.

Sometimes I feel that I’m chasing after a shadow.

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It's getting really cold nowadays. I can wear short-sleeved indoor, but once I step outside the dorm, I'll start shivering even with my down-filled coat on.But considering I've been living in southern China and Singapore in the past years, I think I'm coping with the cold remarkably well. What I really hate is the crazy wind. Because of it, I need a much higher relative speed(as in relative to the wind) in order to achieve a pathetic absolute speed. Imagine how irritating this can be when one is rushing for a class. And I don't know why so far the wind has never blown in my direction, it always opposed me on my way to and back from the lecture. This is not fair, man.

哆罗罗，哆罗罗，寒风冻死我，明天就垒窝。

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It's December now. It means term tests, final exams,and more importantly, my first white Christmas.

I've decided to stay in residence instead of moving into uncle's house during the holiday. To think about it, there are really lots of things that I can do here: I'm gonna explore the city of Toronto and play with snow with my friends; and I can probably finish making the subpages of my website, or go to Driving Sch to prepare for driving tests next year(don't know if it's open during holiday though), to learn to cook,etc etc. I'll definitely take some pictures! How I regret I didn't take some pictures of the amazingly beautiful red maples -- I talked about taking pictures of that all the time, but before I really took action, they were gone. >_< I'm not gonna miss the snow this time.

I was so stressed up by the French Oral test this morning. But it turned out to be easier than I expected. One of the simple questions that I got was "Où préfèrez-vous étudier?(where do you prefer to study?)" And I uttered what came to my mind first:"Aux Etats-Unis.(US)" Hmm, why am I so obsessed with US?

Nowadays, I wake up at 11, have brunch at 1130, go for class, take a nap in the afternoon if possible, then have dinner at 530, go for class again, come back at about 9 or 10pm, have supper at 12, go to bed at 3, or even later. Sometimes I oversleep and miss meals/classes, sometimes I eat more than 4 meals a day. Not a very healthy lifestyle, I know. Hope I can adjust myself and synchronize my bio clock with normal people after the holiday. I should learn to take care of myself. p(^0^)q