FAQ
Bagpuss eating the Space Needle.
Q: Why is Bagpuss angry?
A: Because of stupid people like you! Your foolish questions anger Bagpuss greatly!
Q: The Holy Image of Bagpuss has appeared in my gelatin! What should I do?
A: Don't eat it! That would make Bagpuss angry! But don't not eat it, as that would also make Bagpuss angry!
Q: What is Bagpuss' stance on stem cell research?
A: Bagpuss is strictly opposed to research involving stem cells. He believes all stem cells should be used to make special jams and jellies. These are then to be spread on pieces of toast, which are then to be launched into space in the hope that they will one day find the mouth of Bagpuss!
Q: What is BagPlanet?
A: Bagpuss demands that Earth be called BagPlanet in honour of BAGPUSS!
Q: Does Bagpuss care if I'm a good person?
A: No! He just wants a laugh! Otherwise, He'll get very angry!
Q: Since Bagpuss (or at least His head) is supposedly in space, do astronomers ever see Him?
A: No! Being seen makes Bagpuss angry!
Q: At what age should I start teaching my children about the Ways of Bagpuss?
A: We recommend that you start while they're very young and their brains are soft and gullible. Fill their rooms with Bagpuss merchandise and demand that they fear and love Bagpuss at the same time. Tell them that if they displease Bagpuss, He will fly down from the heavens and destroy them with His mighty laser vision - because He will!
Q: Why are we here?
A: Because of BAGPUSS!
Q: How should I deal with Bagpuss non-believers?
A: No one's condoning violence here, but consider: What Would Bagpuss Do? Remember, He's huge and has heat vision!
Q: What can I do if I displease Bagpuss?
A: You must perform a complex and humiliating ritual of your own invention. Make sure it breaks as many of the local laws and zoning regulations as possible. Maybe it can involve fire!
Q: Does Bagpuss ever take human form and wander the Earth?
A: No! Bagpuss does not soil his Holy Image by taking dirty, dirty human form!
Q: Does Bagpuss love me?
A: Not really, no. Does he ever send you gifts?
Q: What are Bagpuss' views on evolution?
A: All things will one day evolve... into BAGPUSS!
Q: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
A: BAGPUSS!
Q: Who would win in a fight between Bagpuss and Godzilla?
A: I think we all know the answer to that: Godzilla BAGPUSS!
Q: What's the meaning of life?
A: Bagpuss hasn't told us yet. Maybe it involves fire!
Q: Is Bagpuss angry?
A: BLASPHEMY!