Welcome to the Church of Bagpuss!

Tired of religions that don't make any sense?

Seeking higher meaning in your life?

Want to worship a huge floating space cat head?

This ancient cave drawing clearly depicts the true method used to construct the pyramids.

The mission of the Church of Bagpuss is to spread enlightenment regarding the mysterious ways of Bagpuss. Who is Bagpuss, you might ask? Well, ignorant mortal, Bagpuss is the all-powerful entity that accidentally created the universe. Bagpuss sees all and knows all, and is of unlimited power. His great bulk rests among the stars and surveys all of His creation. On occasion, His head will detach from His body and fly around the universe to wreak great vengeance on the lives of foolish mortals.

Many outsiders seem to think that Bagpuss is a mean-spirited and selfish god who is concerned primarily with anger and His own amusement. However, these fools fail to see the true nature of the universe, for it can only exist while Bagpuss is awake, and its purpose is to amuse Bagpuss so that He may refrain from slumber for as long as possible, permitting life to flourish and amuse Him further. Unfortunately, Bagpuss is very angry, and a great amount of constant amusement is necessary to prevent Him from getting so angry that He tires Himself out and goes to sleep. If Bagpuss does go to sleep, the universe will end, as it was created when He first awoke.

Although it is the duty of followers of the Church of Bagpuss to keep Bagpuss amused and thus postpone the end of the universe, Bagpuss' eventual slumber is ultimately inevitable. The only hope for foolish human mortals is to become enlightened and live a life devoted to amusing Bagpuss, which will permit them to ascend to Bagpuss Heaven. Those who ascend to Bagpuss Heaven will be allowed to sit around Bagpuss as He reclines on His glorious cushion. Unfortunately, in His relaxation, Bagpuss finds only anger, and thus must be amused further by those around Him in Bagpuss Heaven. At the unavoidable time of Bagpuss' ultimate slumber, those in Bagpuss Heaven and those who have lived lives that amused Him will have the honour of joining Bagpuss in his slumber, and awakening into a new universe when He does! As for those that do not amuse Bagpuss and inspire His wrath, it is as the scriptures say: "those people just die."

Do you want to be one of those who join Bagpuss in Bagpuss Heaven? Do you want to avoid the dark oblivion of True Death? If so, join the Church of Bagpuss and devote yourself to the amusement of Bagpuss, the great cat of the skies! Your enlightenment begins here!