The Chicken Crossing the Road

So Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Our side of the road is the right side of the road and the chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground for any chicken.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

DONALD RUMSFELD: I have known about the chicken crossing the road for several months. I was investigating why the chicken moved but didn't feel it was necessary to alert anyone.

HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!

RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any inside information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together -- in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historic inevitability.

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

SIGMOND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook... and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: That was my chicken! I invented the chicken.

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Favourite Animal: The dolphin, without a doubt. Cute, adorable, friendly, fun, intelligent, loving. If only we were all like that... Second place comes the elephant, followed by the turtle.
Favourite Anime Series: Watching Naruto, at the moment. I will see how this series turns out. Still very fond of Full Metal Panic.
Favourite Art (Style): Watercolours. I did a few paintings, and they're not eye-blinding ugly, so I switched from coloured pencils. I'm also enticed by this recent manga craze, so I'll be giving that a shot as well.
Favourite Author (Fiction): Undecided. Here are my favourites (in alphabetical order): Jacqueline Carey, David Eddings, Terry Goodkind, L.E. Modesitt, Jr..
Favourite Author (Non-Fiction): Miles Corwin.
Most Special Award Received: Appreciation Award from the Earl Haig Music Council. May not sound like much, but it has great sentimental value to me; for the many hundreds of hours I sacrificed during the many years I was at Haig.
Ideal Bedroom: Bright, cheery. Windows overlooking the sea. Plain white walls; no blocks. Big, comfortable bed, with a spacious wardrobe. A wooden table to sit and write; on the side: a small bookshelf of favourites. Compact CD player and accompanying speakers to play meditative and relaxation music. Small, matching lamp on one side of the bed. No alarm clock.
Favourite Colour: Grass green. A light shade of aqua or sky blue is also soothing to my senses.
Favourite Computer Game: I absolutely enjoyed Rayman 3: Hoodlum Havoc. Quite challenging, and certainly lengthy. My second favourite: Chessmaster 9000. Chessmaster 10th Edition looks amazing, although I probably will not get it simply for the newer interface and online features.
Favourite Course: A pick between CSC108H1F (Introduction to Computer Programming, taught by P. Gries) and EAS102Y1Y (Introduction to East Asian Civilizations, taught by R. Guisso). Interest in the course mainly depends on the personality of the professor.
Favourite Day of the Week: For the duration of this summer, I like Thursdays the best.
Favourite Drink: Water (preferably bottled and chilled; natural spring water).
Favourite Element of Nature: Water. Smooth, flowing, perfect.
Best Ending: When I was a Trekkie (a long, long, time ago), I was completely captivated by Star Trek Voyager's final back-to-back "Endgame". Although the series was mediocre for periods at a time, the dawdling, seven seasons long, bleak and bitter voyage could hardly have come to a better end.
Greatest Feeling: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn; Is just to love, and be loved in return." - Celine Dion's Nature Boy. Reciprocal love: There is no greater feeling in life.
Favourite Food (Dish): A chicken garden salad, or alternatively, a large assorted fresh fruit salad.
Greatest Gift: The giving of one, especially when friends and loved ones are involved.
Favourite Holiday: Christmas. The time for giving, get-togethers, plus my birthday is only two days away. Christmas-time also marks the week away from work and the insanity that is usually associated with it.
Favourite Instrument: The piano. It's essentially the only instrument I know how to play decently [grade 10 RCM]. I've had some mediocre practice with the classical guitar however.
Favourite Japanese Word: "baka!".
Most Well-Deserved Kiwanis Award Received: Third Place for Piano Duet, Age 18 & Under. At the 2002 Festival. This is one competition I really worked for, unlike the other second-place entries I scored during the previous years.
Most Difficult Lesson Learned: Friendship is fragile. It is also beautiful, and can be an unlimited source of strength. But, a single word unspoken, a carelessly placed emoticon, the wrong moment to end a conversation - and even the most tightly-knit friendship can be needlessly thrown into the wind. I will not forget you, my friend.
Favourite Month: June. School's out, and friends are in.
Favourite Movie (Disney): Aladdin (the very first one).
Favourite Music (Genre): Classical.
Favourite Music (Work): The Lost Chord (Sullivan). Solemn, graceful. This piece transcends words.
Favourite Musical Group: Barenaked Ladies. For Classical singers, I'm an admirer of the Exultate Chamber Singers.
Favourite Musician (Composer): Too many to choose from. I enjoyed Dvorak's works immensely, but I also have a strong affinity for Grieg's wonderful imagery. Honourable mentions (all composers are honourable in a sense): Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, Chopin, Debussy, Handel, Haydn, Liszt, Mendelssohn, Mozart, Pachelbel, Schubert, R. and C. Schumann, Sullivan, Tchaikovsky, Vivaldi.
Favourite Musician (Singer): Celine Dion.
Favourite Novel (Fantasy): Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind. Also of important note is The Magic of Recluce by L.E. Modesitt, Jr., which got me hooked onto high fantasy ever since.
Favourite Number: 6. A beautiful number.
Favourite Opera: Handel's Rinaldo. It may seem like nothing special, were it not for the aria, "Lascia Ch'io Pianga" - perhaps, the most beautiful melody I have ever heard.
Preferred Operating System: Windows (XP). I've always wanted to get around to switching to Linux, but I've been too lazy.
Favourite Photographer: George Brybycin (The Pristine Rockies).
Favourite Place to Be: Anywhere, as long as I'm among my family and friends.
Most Spiffy/Smashing Professor: Professor P. Gries or Professor R. Guisso.
Favourite Quote: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Favourite Royal Canadian Air Farce Clip: "Governor-General Defends Spending" [download]. "The Governor General Adrienne Clarkson and her husband defend their extravagant spending habits." I would trade spots with poor Hammie any day. A 2:42 clip.
Favourite Season: I used to like Autumn; its brilliant colours, warm weather, the carefree touch of merriment. Then Autumn turned to Fall; my friends went their ways; I was left alone. I like Summer better now.
Favourite Sport: Badminton; lots of fun there. I also like swimming and jogging.
Favourite Store: Any bookstore, really. As long as it is big. Chapters, Coles, Remenyi House of Music, even the University of Toronto Bookstore.
Favourite Television Show: I don't really watch television any more, but when I did, I really got a kick out of the Royal Canadian Air Farce. I also found Whose Line Is It Anyway? laugh-out-loud funny at times. And, of course, The Simpsons (it's blasphemy not to like it, or so I've heard).
Favourite Time of the Day: The early morning, when the sun has just dawned. The worries of yesterday disappear, and another chance at life has been bestowed upon me. It's also the perfect time to go out for a walk, jog, or hike; the air, freshest and cool.
My Utopia: A society where the genuine meaning of love has been engraved into the minds of children from birth. Forgiveness and compassion abound, this society would more or less crumble into ruin from the lack of "common sense".
Favourite Video (Console) Game: Donkey Kong Country 3 for the SNES. I also really enjoyed Kirby Super Star (also for the SNES) and practically all Mario games in existence.
My Last Wish: To die happy. Free of alcohol, drugs and other influences; knowing that the ones I care about are hale and safe.
Most Frequently Said Word*: "ridiculous". I should never have gone to see that Harry Potter movie.
* By "word" I refer to the set of words not belonging to the set of common particles of speech, such as "a", "an", "and", ... "in any case", ... etc.
Coolest X-Men Character: Storm. I've always felt at home with Nature. To have the ability to control it is, literally, out of this world.
Favourite Yoshi Game: Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island. One of the best games ever made.
Most Sensational Zaratustra Game: Zeux's World. Essentially, a Super Mario clone, but somehow, more fun.