From The Mind of John Popiel
Compiled by Kevin Morency
With special thanks to Bryan "Tank" Horne
- If you try to remember everything, your brain will get so big that... well, you know.
- What do they say in Japan? "Bonzai! Bonzai! Sionara!" Isn't that what they say when they crash into the ocean? Kaboom.
- There's a lot of things that are really neat that I won't buy: Like two-story houses. They are neat, but I will never buy one.
- To me, Disney Land is the world's premier theme park.
- If at first you don't succeed, HA HA HA, too bad!
- We aim to please.
- The faster I go, the behinder I gets.
- Did you ever see that movie Tron, well we have a master catalogue in Dearborn.
- I asked Popeil moments ago if he had ever seen the movie Tron and he said "Yes! What an excellent movie!" Then he said, "Every time I think of the movie Tron, I think of our master catalogue in Dearborne." I asked him why and he responded, "In Tron, there's a master copy. Master copy, master catalogue. You know."
- I got troubles - You got troubles.
- Chase, Chase. Where are you?, you're going to get shot here, c'mon you pig be there, …bitch.
- Mike O'Brian, eh? Now there's a good French name.
- Blankie, blankie, blankie. Where's my blankie?
- Mine's the nicest on the street now. Not that I care if it's the nicest on the street. I'm just saying it's the nicest on the street.
- I got hats! Lots of hats. Hats I don't wear.
- I got paper here. I got paper there. What the hell is going on?
- It's mine! It's mine! Aaah Schtinker! (at the printer)
- Seems pissed off that I called. No respect, I tell you no respect. We gotta talk. If he wants business, he owes me the respect.
- They just hit each other till one of them falls down. Why that's just like a zoo. That's not human at all. We're civilized, you know.
- For $20 I can't be bothered getting dirty, but for $30 I'll get dirty.
- Work! All this hard work gets my underwear all wet.
- This week before shutdown is hectic. Vickie is away, John is away, I have to train a co-op. It's like a triple triple whammy whammy, you know.
- You mix two or three drugs you get a real cocktail there. Bamm!
- Love the power - it's good to be the king.
- Without lights you might as well be in an armoured car! (Popeil on 'Detroit')
- Americans are much smarter than Canadians: They mix all their mountains and plains up around the country while Canadians, we stick them all in one spot.
- I mean those things are just made of carbon. Anyone can make them... anyone with any skill.
- You guys better sharpen your pencils on those prices or you're gone
- Where is it? Eek! You said it printed. What's going on?
- You can't stand in the doorway around here. You'll get run over." (immeddiately after he almost knocked Kevin over)
- Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive - a little choo choo AH HA HA HA!
- Once you start going, you'll have less back pain, you'll be less stiff when you go to tie your shoes, you'll sleep better... more energy... lose weight... (John Popeil on 'the gym' - take a look at him... it must be true!)
- I hate McCulloks people. I hate McCulloks people because they're dumb, dumb, dumb, DAMN!
- This is some nice weather we're having. It's really good for growing mushrooms and ya know, stuff like that.
- (Peeking over his desk) "I thought you had a problem over there. I was gonna come and help you. HA! HA! HA! HAAAAAAAA! (immediately after he heard Justin making large fart noises at Derek's desk)
- You know John, the last time I did that the police came! (after accidentally calling 911 from his desk)
- Where's all my stuff? Oh there's all my stuff. No wait, that's not all mine. Aarrgh. Why is it not lying flat? Just because I'm checking it? There, looks a lot better now.
- If at first you don't succees, too bad - it ain't gunna work!
- I had fish at the casino; I could have had better at Red Lobster.
- Everything there is designed to trap you there: The lights, the ding ding ding..... (John Popeil on 'The Casino')
- Ooh ooh I like that! Cheap! You're my kinda man.
- Popeil Popeil Popeil. Me me me. I'm Popeil.
- Paper paper everywhere but none that I can use! HA HA HA... 206BZ...
- (Immediately after Justin made huge fart noises for about a minute:)
Popiel: Someone not feeling well over there?
(Popeil mumbles...)
(Justin asks what he said...)
Popiel: If an odor comes over here, I'm going to vacate in a hurry!
(After Justin apologizes for making fart sounds:)
Popeil: Don't worry. If you don't mind all the paper clips and pencils flying over the cubical!
Justin: Oh, just don't hit me with a paper weight.
Popeil: We've got some extra aluminum over there. Those things are sharp and they can draw blood! AH HA HA HA!
- Oh yeah, that's a long way you'll have to go by dogsled or something... Darn darn darn!
- Bushings bushings, who wants the bushings? Wonderful wonderful wonderful, marvelous!!!
- A well a well a well, now there's a deep subject... and wet, too! AH HA HA HA... oh dear...
- (At the printer)
Popiel: Where'd it go? Where's my stuff?
Justin: Where is your stuff, John?
Popiel: (with his hands in the air) It must of went to China!
- Saved by the bell! I'm either very, very skilled or very, very lucky.......I'm not sure which.
- The sunshine's reflecting off your skull again!!!
- What am I saying, skin on my teeth. That's like frog skin.
- I'm good at little things but an expert at nothing.
- Nuts... nuts and no Christmas! Oh well. AH HA HA HA... wow.
- Oh hello. It sounds like you teamed up with the tool monster. What, are you McDonalds or something? AH HA HA HA... So what are you giving away to your customers today? AH HA HA HA!
- Whilst smashing his keyboard: "Ah, don't do this to me! You pig, you!" followed by more smashing and a brief consultation with JB3.
- That's ten lashes with a wet noodle for you! Piss me off, fucker... ARRRG
- My name is Clarence. Da da da da da dum... Oh, hi Clarence!
- Justin: Mr Popeil, why don't you prank call my friend Derek and ask him if he ordered a pizza?
Popeil: No, I'm not interested in those kind of jokes. No.
Justin: Please? It would be funny.
Popeil: No.
- Viper, Viper. Who wants a Viper? I vant a vinshield viper. Hmmm … Ha!
- Garbage to the right of me, garbage to the left of me. …… None that I can use. Ah Ha HA.
- I'm innocent, I'm innocent! Don't shoot! Popeil...
- Patty or Puddy... doo da doo doo doo... Oh hi! 206BZ...
- Break time! Potty time! AH HA HA!!!
- Well, well. That's a deep subject. And wet too! AH HA HA HA!!!
- What am i doing here? AH AH AH AH AH!
- I remember when I used to order the springs: Big springs, small springs. I was the spring man
- Q: How are you doing John?
A: Medium. Yep, just medium, just medium.
- (On how lunch was at Swiss Chalet): Mmmmmmmmm chicken was wonderful, simply wonderful...
- Oh hi Ted, how are ya? heehahaha, Oh you're looking pretty good....I have a special telephone....I can see right to you .....AHAHAHAHA
- Just gives me a weird feeling when i look at them...ya know?
- (Banging on the copy machine) Stay down! Arrrrgh...gotta big one here!
- I want to go out for lunch with someone. If someone calls tell them you'll go. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know, it doesn't happen all the time.
- Popiel. Medium, how you doing? AHAHAHAH!