The Heretics Song

Lyrics by Peter Kennedy
©2006
(Sung to the tune of the Unicorn Song by the Irish Rovers)


A long time ago when the earth was obscene,
there were more heretics than youíve ever seen
along came Constantine with a vision one night
he took the Milvian bridge
and gave the Christians some rights

At the time there were...

CHORUS

Arians, Nestorians, Eutychians too
Donatists, Pelagians, a Gnostic or two
Monophysites and Monothelites
they needed relief
they called for a council that outlined their belief

In three twenty-five Constantine called the first one
Arius claimed the Father had created the Son
The bishops agreed that enough was enough
the Father and Son are homoousios

BRIDGE
Diid you ever know that youíre my Chi Rho
You are the sign upon my shield

The Christian state was formed by Theodosius
and he had to confront the heresy of Apollinarius
In 381 the council saw their need
in Constantinople they affirmed the creed

there still were....

(CHORUS)

Nestorius believed that Christ existed as two
in 431 the council knew what to do
they gathered once more, this time in Ephesus
and declared Virgin Mary theo-to-oh kas

there continued to be....

(CHORUS)

The last one Iíll mention was in 451
when they gathered together in Chalcedon
Eutyches said Christís nature was divine to the max.
No! Heís God and human please just stick to the facts.

[It seems thereís a pattern developing with these...!]

(CHORUS)

Controversy continues throughout history
it still affects you and it still affects me
We must learn from our past to discern what is wrong,
so we donít end up like Tom Harpur or Spong.

ĎCause thereís always gonna be...

|(CHORUS)
Arians, Nestorians, Eutychians too
Donatists, Pelagians, a Gnostic or two
Monophysites and Monothelites
weíre gonna need relief
we better call for a council that outlines our belief

 

The Mary Poppins In Church History Song

Dan ldzikowski

(CHORUS)
Um diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle urn diddle ay

Superchristological and Homoousiosis
Even thought the sound of them is something quite atrocious You can always count on them to anathemize your Gnosis Superchristological and Homoousiosis

Now Origen and Arius were quite a clever pair.
Immutable divinity made Logos out of air.
But then one day Saint Nicholas gave Arius a slap,
and told them if they can't recant, they ought to shut their trap!

One Prosopon, two Ousia are in one Hypostasis.
At Chalcedon this formula gave our faith its basis.
You can argue that you don't know what this really means,
But don't you go and try to say there's a "Physis' in between!

Now freedom and autonomy are something to be praised,
But when it comes to human sin, these words must be rephrased,
For Pelagius was too confident that we could work it out–
And Augustine said “massa damnata” is what it's all about.

Heresies are arguments that you might find attractive,
But just remember in this case the Church is quite reactive.
So play it safe and memorize these words we sing together,
'Cause in the end you'll find, my friend, that we may live forever.

 

St. Pat’s Rusticity Dance                                        

David Turner


St. Patrick called himself a sinner, and a most unlearned man,
least of the all the faithful, utterly despised he was taken to Ireland.
His littleness was placed among strangers, his heart converted unto the Lord.
For in the land of his captivity upon St. Patrick God’s grace was poured.

Rustic Pat

As a youth, Nay! As a boy, before St. Patrick knew how to speak
He was made into a slave was never sent to school,
His language skills remained remarkably weak. 
He was never much of a writer, but St. Patrick certainly tried,
And he told the truth because he knew the Psalm that said he’d be destroyed if he lied.

Rustic Pat

And so, despite a lack of education, and though St. Patrick was rustic and old,  
Ye men of letters ye great and little ones you’d better listen ‘cause you’re gonna get told 

About St. Pat, about St. Pat, the confession of a rustic Saint.
It’s St. Pat, it’s Pat, a pelagianist he ain’t.
It’s St. Pat, it’s St. Pat, a sinner and an outcast.
It’s St. Pat, it’s St. Pat, the love of God he felt compelled to broadcast.

Confessions of St. Pat, confessions of St. Pat, confessions of St. Pat

When Pat was stuck in Ireland he had to tend the sheep everyday.
In the frost and the snow, in the forest on the hill, scared and bored he decided to pray.
In Pat the spirit was fervent, he prayed a hundred times everyday.
Six years as a slave one night he dreamt of a boat and then God told him to run away.  

Rustic Pat

St. Patrick made his way back home and God provided for him on the way,
But then he had a dream of countless letters from the Irish
And He thought he heard them say …
“We ask thee oh boy, to come and walk among us once more…”
So there and then, despite resistance from the elders,
He chose to go back to Ireland once more.
When he got back to Ireland he baptized Irishmen by the thousands,
But he never kept so much as half a screpall, or even asked of them the price of his shoes.

About St. Pat, about St. Pat, the confession of a rustic Saint.
It’s St. Pat, it’s Pat, A pelagianist he ain’t.
It’s St. Pat, it’s St. Pat, a sinner and an outcast.
It’s St. Pat, it’s St. Pat, the love of God he felt compelled to broadcast.

Confessions of St. Pat, confessions of St. Pat, confessions of St. Pat!