Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended here (?). So basically, I own nothing. Don’t sue. K?
Set about one week after the episode To Shansu in LA, otherwise known as the last episode we saw Lindsey with both his hands still attached.


Anger & Tears
By Imzadi


The young woman strode purposefully into the offices of Angel Investigations. As Cordelia rose from her desk, asking, "May I help you?" she raised a hand.

"I need to see him alone." Then, strangely, she added, "You're Cordelia? I'm so very sorry." She sat, her head bent down almost as if she needed to cry or to throw up. She asked very gently, "Will you please leave?" There was something about the depth of emotion in her voice that struck a nerve. Cordelia rang for Angel, picked up her purse, and headed out. On her way out, she met Wesley.

"Come on, buy me a coffee." Before he could respond, she took his arm. "Don't ask. Let's just go."

Angel saw the young woman sitting so disconsolately on the chair by his desk. Not very long ago he would have called her a girl, but now the look about her was one of lost innocence. He also noticed something on her left hand: a gold Claddagh ring with a ruby heart, exactly like the one Lindsey MacDonald had worn the last time he had seen him. Then he remembered where he had seen her: in the crypt, screaming as he threw the axe that cut off Lindsey's right hand.

"How am I like the Venus de Milo and Lindsey MacDonald?" she asked bitterly. "I'm unarmed." She looked at him with deep hatred. "You don't need to worry. My first thought was to get a stake and try to kill you, although I knew I didn't have a chance. I've never in my life hated anyone before. I had some other thoughts as well. Do you know when the Bible says, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,' it's not demanding vengeance but rather limiting it to the extent of the original injury. I also thought about somehow cutting off your hand or even getting a neural paralyzer of some sort to take away all of its usefulness, at least temporarily, so you can go through what my husband is going through. But then I remembered something else. ‘Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.' So I just thought that I might come by and let you know what you've done to him and to me." She stopped for a minute and looked again as if she wanted to cry. Angel stared at her. Although she was a very pretty woman, she looked haggard, as if she had not slept in a long time. Anger and sadness mingled on her face. He put her age at about 24, give or take a year, but right now she looked older. Resolutely she raised her hand and began.

"I just want to let you know what it's been like this past week and what I see in the future. What you've done to the only man I've ever loved and ever will love. I realize that you needed to get that scroll to save Cordelia, but I also realize, and I think you do too, that you had other options. You could have thrown the axe so that the handle hit him rather than the blade. You have great strength and quickness, so you could have easily taken it from him. You cut off his hand out of malice because he went back to Wolfram & Hart. Did it ever occur to you that by doing what you did to him you may have taken away any chance of his leaving them? Or that he stayed because he was afraid for me?"

"Honestly, I didn't even know about you. The first and only time I had ever seen you was in the crypt after I had thrown the axe."

"Then you left him there to bleed to death. If I hadn't been there and had a cell phone, he might have. I thought the great Angel, the dark avenger, didn't kill humans. His blood would have been on your hands if he had died."

Angel almost replied, "Wolfram & Hart left him there too," but he left the words unsaid. However, they hung in the air between the two of them.

"I got him to the hospital, but they couldn't reattach his hand. It just wouldn't take. They didn't know why, but I did. It was either the axe itself or the demon's blood that infected the wound to that effect. So unless someone comes up with a solution, Lindsey will go through the rest of his life with one hand. Do you know that the first time we were together, as he was telling me about his childhood, I started to cry for him and all of the bad things that had happened to him? He brushed my tears away with his right hand. He'll never do that for me again. I have ‘the sight,' so I know there are a lot of tears to come in my future." Angel saw one slowly trickle down her cheek and felt the urge to reach over and brush it away.

"The first gift I ever bought him was his Hastings Law School ring. I gave it to him for his 27th birthday. Lindsey said that it was the best gift anyone had ever given him. He always wore it on his right hand because he was leaving his left hand free for his wedding ring. It was still on his right hand when I picked it up from the floor to take it to the hospital. When I told him I had it, he said it didn't matter because he'd never be able to wear it again! Do you know what else he can't do? He has a hard time dressing himself. Obviously he can't tie his own tie or his shoes. Have you tried putting on any article of clothing with one hand? It's not easy. He can't write or use the computer with any ease with one hand. Even using the telephone is a chore. And as for eating, have you ever seen the look on a proud man's face as he watches his wife cut his meat into bite size pieces for him? Or try to tackle a salad when the lettuce isn't cut small enough? It was all he could do to keep from crying the first time I had to do it for him. Are you happy now, Angel? Is there anything more you want to do to my husband? Maybe you could cut off his other hand and make him really helpless." The look she gave the vampire was one that made him cringe. What was there about Lindsey MacDonald that made this woman love him so totally? So fiercely? Angel could imagine her picking up a sword and fighting him over Lindsey's fallen body with no concern for her own safety. Briefly a thought of Buffy came into his mind. She would have done the same for him, once upon a time. He pushed the thought back into his mind.

"He's still in a lot of pain, and the wound still needs a lot of care. He hasn't slept much this week, and I haven't slept at all. I can't tell you how many times it has started seeping or bleeding and I've had to change the dressings. We also haven't made love at all since this happened, as much as we need each other. Do you have any idea what you've done? I don't know why I'm even bothering to tell you this. You don't care. I know how you mocked him when he came here to tell you about those three children. He risked his life, and you repaid him by disfiguring him. I hate you, and I will hate you as long as you. . .I was about to say ‘live,' but that's not the proper word here, is it? Goodbye, Angel. I hope that fate pays you back. I'm not even going to slap you because I couldn't stand to touch you. The thought makes my flesh crawl. Lindsey needs me, and I'm going home to him now." She stood up and walked out the door. Although Angel expected her to slam it, she didn't do that but closed it gently. Then, hoping he wasn't watching out the window, she felt the nausea of her pregnancy overcoming her. She ran to the nearest trashcan and threw up. Then, hailing a taxicab, Rosemary went home to her beloved.

Page TWO.

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