He felt a very gentle nudge in his left side. "Come on, buddy, get up. We need that blanket for the food! You've slept long enough." Lindsey rolled onto his back, sat up, and rubbed his eyes. He rubbed his eyes? Yes, with both hands. What was going on? He looked up and saw his best friend Tony holding two baseball gloves. Holding out his hand, Tony pulled him to his feet and tossed him a glove. "I'll bet you're really out of practice, Lin. When's the last time you played?"

"Tony, where are we? What are you doing here? You're dead!"

"Don't ask so many questions, Lin. Let's just play a little catch while they're getting the food out."

"What food? Who?" But Tony had gone trotting off. He turned and threw a fast ball to Lindsey, who caught it and, without even thinking, fired it back. However, he was out of practice & missed his friend by a mile. As they continued to play, his instincts came back and he started to revert to the player he used to be.

After about 15 minutes, he heard a voice, "That's enough, you guys. Come give us a hand with this food. The way you two eat, we've got a ton of it here." Lindsey couldn't believe his ears. It was Elaine. He ran in the direction of the voice until he saw the slim, dark-haired figure of his sister. Her hair was longer now, and tied back in a pony tail, but otherwise she looked the same as she had seven years ago when she had kissed him goodbye as he set off for his junior year of college, the last time he had seen her alive. He hugged her so hard that she gently pushed him back a little. "Careful, Lin, don't crush Rose Margaret." Lindsey pulled back a little & looked at his sister; she was pregnant!

"Is this the baby that. . ."

She cut him off. "No, that's Mary Lindsay. We call her Mindy. She's quite a big girl now, and she has a little brother Johnny. Rose is our third. They'll be here in a minute. I hear them now!"

Four people came up the slope: two attractive teenagers, a boy and a girl, each holding the hand of a small child. The teenagers had the same brown hair & blue eyes as Lindsey & Elaine. Nobody had to tell him that they were Lance & Gwinnie, the twins who had died when he was ten. The little girl and boy, who appeared to be about seven and four, had Tony's dark curly hair and brown eyes. They ran to him, yelling, "Uncle Lin! Uncle Lin!" He stooped down & let them run into his arms. Then Gwinnie was hugging him. Lance held out his hand & then hugged him too.

"What is this, a parallel universe? One in which you all lived?" Lindsey had always been a science fiction buff and found this the easiest explanation.

"Questions and answers later, buddy. Let's get this food to the blanket. I'm starved." Tony picked up the picnic basket. As Lindsey was about to pick up the cooler, Lance took it. "You wait for Mom."

Lindsey turned around to see his mother coming toward him. He was frozen in amazement. Mary Margaret McDonald walked up to her son and took him in her arms. He hugged her even tighter than he had hugged Elaine. "Mom, Mom, I've missed you so much. I needed you so."

Kissing her son, she replied, "I missed you too, darling. I didn't want to leave you, but I had no choice. But I'm here now, and the fried chicken is getting cold. Let's go eat before Tony & Lance take it all." Taking his right hand, his good right hand, she led him back to their picnic site.

The food was delicious, although Lindsey thought the potato salad needed a little more salt. As he reached for the salt shaker, Elaine slapped his hand. "You always put too much salt on your food, Lin."

He shook his head & laughed. "Rosemary says that, too."

His mother had been right. Tony & Lance had voracious appetites. After they finished eating, Lindsey, Tony, Lance, & Gwinnie walked to a basketball hoop and played a little two-on-two, which Lance & Gwinnie won. "You never were a basketball player, Lin."

"Never said I was, Tony!"

When they came back to the blanket, Elaine and his mother had packed everything up. Elaine, Gwinnie, and the children kissed him, while Lance and Tony hugged him. Then, waving goodbye, all of them except his mother headed down the hill and disappeared.

Lindsey realized that his mother wasn't going to leave with the others. "Mom, where are we? Is this heaven?"

"My beautiful little boy. You were the sweetest little child. So beautiful and so very smart." She gently pulled his head down into her lap as she had done when he was a little boy and started stroking his hair. "No, Linny, it's not heaven. It's something of a waiting room where heaven and earth touch. We can meet here sometimes when it's very important. Or, we can on rare occasions come to earth and make ourselves visible to a loved on, just like Billy Bigelow in Carousel. But it's usually better to bring you here in a dream. I have a lot to say to you, so just relax here and let me talk to you."

"Mom, I missed you so. Then I lost Elaine, then Tony, and there was nothing left for me except. . ."

"I know, Linny, I know. Your heart was so full of anger and sadness from your childhood that all you wanted by that time was money and power and prestige. You thought that these Italian suits and your BMW would bring you happiness. But it didn't, did it?"

Sadly, he shook his head. "But then Rosemary came into my life. You know that I had ‘seen' her watching me on a number of occasions?"

"I know. I was so happy when she finally found you, and I love her very much. I have to admit I wasn't too crazy about the two of you living together without being married. That went against my grain a little, even though I knew what a nice girl she was."

"I would have married her from day one, if I hadn't been worried that Wolfram & Hart would do something to her. I was trying to protect her, and she understood that."

"So do I. But you're married now. That's not what's bothering me. You were doing so well, even helping Angel to rescue those three blind children. But then, when you had the chance to get out, you stayed with Wolfram & Hart. Why, Linny?"

"I've thought about that so many times. I don't know if I thought that I might be able to do some good there or if I was afraid that they'd track us down and kill us even though I had copies of those discs hidden, or what. I shouldn't have stayed. Maybe I just wanted to give Rosemary the good things in life."

"Is that why you went ahead with that ceremony that brought Darla back? And why you tried to burn the scroll that would have helped Angel's friend Cordelia?"

"I did the ceremony because I was afraid. I didn't want to have to eat my own liver! I don't know why I tried to burn the scroll. Maybe I went a little crazy. I paid really well for that mistake." He held up his good right hand and looked at it. "This isn't real, is it?"

"No, when you wake up, your hand will be gone. When you come to heaven, or maybe I should say, if you come to heaven, it'll be back. But it got worse, didn't it? You are responsible for a man's death, that poor actor that was killed to frame Angel."

Lindsey hung his head in shame. Why? Was his vengeance on Angel that important to him, or was he just so afraid of Wolfram & Hart that he didn't even think about what he had done? He remembered what had happened when he came home that nightl

Rosemary was looking at him, a mixture of sadness, disappointment, and perhaps even disgust on her face. He couldn't look her in the eye. As he walked over to the cabinet where he kept a bottle of Scotch, she stopped him. "You've had enough already." He knew she was right. Pouring himself a glass of water, he took two aspirins. "You killed a man tonight." He couldn't stand the look on her face.

"I didn't. The vampire did." But he knew she was right. He was an accessory before the fact, even an accomplice. What had he done? "Rosemary, please don't look at me like that."

"Lindsey, I can't believe what you've done. I just can't believe it." She shook her head sadly & sat down on the couch, but, somehow, she managed not to cry.

"Do you want to leave me?" he asked, hoping against hope that her answer would be "no." He couldn't stand to lose her.

"I promised you I'd never leave you, remember."

"Is that why you're staying with me, because you promised?"

She got up and walked over to him. Taking his good hand in hers, she put it on her heart. "I can't leave you because I love you. You and I are part of each other now. We are one heart and one soul. If I left you, there would be no sun in the sky. I wouldn't be living, just going through the motions. Believe me, my darling, I would rather walk hand in hand with you into the shadows than into the light by myself. But I want to walk into the light with you. I just don't know what I can do." Now the tears came. They had both undressed and gone to bed, but there had been no lovemaking. She had still nestled close to him, however, even though she was sobbing inside.

His mother went on, "Lindsey, when you decided to stay at Wolfram & Hart, you set events in motion that cannot be stopped. There is a great deal of pain and sorrow in store for both of you, and particularly for Rosemary. You have to be strong for her, and you have to give her every ounce of love you possibly can. She'll need it. If you don't turn away from evil now, you will be damned. And Rosemary will go with you because she loves you too much to leave you even after death. Forget about Angel. Forget about getting even for your hand. The time has come when you have to turn around and try to cleanse your heart of the evil that is building up in it. Rosemary will help you. Later you'll have a chance to atone for your mistakes. But for now just turn away from evil and revenge. Please, Lindsey." He could see the tears running down her face.

"Mom, I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt Rosemary. I'm so, so very sorry. Tell me what to do."

"I can't tell you what to do. You'll have to figure it out for yourself."

"I'm sorry you're so ashamed of me. You can't be as ashamed of me as I am of myself, though." He felt thoroughly miserable.

Lindsey's mother stroked his hair gently. He wished he could be a little boy with her again. He wished he would have chosen another path.

"Darling, I'm not ashamed of you. I'm very proud of the way you made your own way in the world. It took hard work and guts and a lot of sacrifice.    I'm even prouder of the way you took care of Elaine. I remember the only time you were suspended from school. You beat up a that bully Danny McLaughlin for calling Elaine ‘trailer trash.' I'll never forget the look on your face when you came home that day. Don't ever doubt the pride and joy I feel in you, or the way I love you." She gently kissed his forehead. "I know you're not evil, but evil has a way of creeping in and slowly taking over. You and Rosemary together can conquer it. Father Brendan will help you; he's a good man."

In a choked voice, Lindsey replied, "I promise, Mom. I promise I'll change into the person you and Rosemary want me to be. I love you."

"I love you too, Lindsey. I have to go now. Remember, you and Rosemary will have to go through some extraordinary trials, but I know you'll make it. I'll be watching over you."

Lindsey opened his eyes and found himself back in his bed, his face buried in Rosemary's hair and his arm around her waist. Somehow he knew she was still awake. "Rosemary?"

She rolled over and faced him. "Yes, Imzadi?"

"I am so sorry for what I've done. I've hurt you terribly, but I promise I'll do my best never to hurt you again. You are everything to me. Do you want me to go to the police and tell them the whole story?"

"Even though that is probably what you should do, somehow I know that this is not the time for that. Let's just try to get through whatever lies ahead together. Promise me that you won't let them make you do anything like this again. Oh, and tell that Darla that if she comes on to you again, I'll tear out every hair on her head." Lindsey started to laugh, and Rosemary joined him. Kissing her gently, he held her close until both of them were ready to drop off to sleep again. Their hot salty tears mingled and seemed to wash some of the darkness away from his soul.

Just before they fell asleep, Rosemary whispered, "Elaine was right. The potato salad didn't need any salt."

Startled, Lindsey started to sit up, but just shook his head and tightened his arm around Rosemary's waist. Together they fell into a restful, dream-free sleep.