As Prince Angel had had no luck finding a slayer he could love, the King & Queen were at loose ends. Finally Prince Lindsey had an idea. "Let's give a ball and invite all of the maidens in the kingdom. Surely, as we are located on Ye Olde Hellmouthe, there must be a slayer in the kingdom about whom we know nothing as yet." King Wesley & Queen Cordelia pondered that idea and decided that perhaps it was a good one, although, knowing Prince Lindsey as they did, they knew it was just an excuse for him to show off his dancing skills.

The next day, as the family met just before dawn to say good night to Prince Angel and good morning to everyone else, King Wesley announced that he would indeed have a royal ball. "But I can't dance very well," whined Prince Angel. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"You can't sing either," said Queen Cordelia. "Thank goodness you don't have to."

Another round of nods of agreement.

"I will teach you to dance," said Princess Rosemary.

"But, Darling, I had other plans for us," whined Prince Lindsey.

"You will not spend another day in bed frolicking with your wife," his father informed him. "Do you know how many mattresses the two of you have worn out?"

"But it's done wonders for the mattress-making industry here in our country. Our picture has been on their gift calendar for the last five years."

"And you've only been married for four!" his mother said. Lindsey & Rosemary had the grace to blush. "You will go to every house in the kingdom and bring news of the ball. All of the maidens in the kingdom are invited. Take your footman Xander with you."

"What!" exclaimed Xander, who had just come in, his wife Anya clinging to his arm.

"We had other plans for today," said Anya sulkily.

"Well, you second set of poster children for the mattress industry, you have jobs to do. Anya, you may help me plan the menus while Princess Rosemary teaches Angel to dance."

"I hope you have steel-toed boots," Anya said to Rosemary as she left with the queen.

Rosemary and Angel headed to the dungeons, where there was no sunlight, taking a group of torchbearers and the Fiddlers Three, whom King Wesley had lured away from Old King Cole with a hearty raise.

King Wesley wrote out the proclamation, as Prince Lindsey was now left-handed and did not have very good penmanship. His brother had cut off his hand in a fit of pique and they didn't have a witch handy to reattach it.

Calling for Oz, his royal coachman, Lindsey & Xander set out, thanking goodness that Sunnydale was not a large kingdom.

Several years ago, a widower named Holland Manners had come to Sunnydale with his beautiful daughter Buffy and married a widow named Lilah, who had two daughters, Darla & Drusilla. Darla and Drusilla immediately bit their new daddy, making Lilah a widow again. As she was constantly being widowed, she was always in black. The villagers called her The Black Widow.

"Mummy, may we drink Buffy?" Drusilla asked.

"Yes, please, Mummy. Stepdaddy just wetted our appetites. We're still thirsty."

"No, darlings, I promised Holland that I would take good care of her. And, as he left us quite rich, I must keep my promise. We'll just let her do all of the housework."

"Ooh, good thinking, Mummy. We do seem to run out of maids quickly," said Darla.

"Maybe that's because we're always drinking them," Drusilla said.

So Buffy became maid, housekeeper, cleaning lady, and general flunky for the family. Her clothes were rags, but she was still more beautiful than her stepsisters. Actually they were both quite lovely when they weren't wearing their vampire faces, but, as they were thirsty a good deal of the time, that didn't happen too often.

One morning there was a knock on the door. Opening it, Lilah saw a familiar face, but she couldn't place it. Suddenly she realized that it was the man from the calendar.

"Prince Lindsey," she said as she curtseyed low, giving him a good view of her ample bosom. "To what do I owe the honor of this visit?"

Lindsey, who had heard rumors about the girls who lived in this house, held his large gold cross out in front of him. "Xander, read the proclamation."

Xander, who also wore a huge cross, read, as fast as he could, "KingWesleyandQueenCordeliarequestthehonorofyourpresenceataballinthehonoroftheirSonPrinceAngel.  Allmaidensinthekingdomarecommandedtocome.  It'stonightatsundown."

Xander took a deep breath. He wanted to get away from this place. So did Lindsey, for that matter.   The pair turned and ran back to the carriage. Oz put the pedal to the metal, or, rather, the whip to the horses, and took off.

Buffy, who had been standing behind her stepmother, asked, "Does that mean I can go, too?"

"You?" Lilah scoffed. But then she realized that she had no choice. "If you can get your chores done and get cleaned up and get something decent to wear, you may go."

As Buffy set out working with abandon, she pondered how she would get a dress. Maybe her friend Riley could help her. He had a MasterCard.

Lilah called out to her daughters, "Waken, my daughters. You must prepare for Prince Angel's ball. Get your prettiest gowns, let Buffy style your hair, and no vampire faces at least for the time being."

Darla and Drusilla did indeed keep Buffy busy, fetching water for their baths, washing & styling their hair, mending and pressing their gowns, and cleaning their jewelry. By the time they were ready to go to the ball, Buffy was a bedraggled, filthy mess. Darla and Drusilla did look quite beautiful, as did Lilah, who wore basic black and pearls. "Maybe I can find another rich husband at the ball. The girls need a nice rich meal."

They set off in the family's coach. "Goodbye, Buffy, I'm so sorry you couldn't join us."

Buffy ran into the garden and cried. Soon she felt a gentle hand stroking her hair. "Why are you crying, Buffy?"

Looking up, Buffy saw a lovely young woman with long red hair. "Who are you?"

"I am Willow, your fairy godmother, and I have come to prepare you for the ball. This is Giles, who is your fairy watcher. I will see to your clothing and your hair while he instructs you in your duties as a slayer, for there will be vampires at the ball."

Giles broke her broom handle into two pieces and sharpened the ends while Willow magically waved her wand and a steaming tub of water appeared. "Bathe quickly, Buffy, for the aroma of your hard work lingers on."

After Buffy was quickly bathed and shampooed, Willow waved her wand and Buffy stood before them in a gorgeous satin gown trimmed with jewels, her hair magnificently coiffed with pearls.

Giles handed Buffy the two stakes. "You must stake any vampires through the heart with these, except for Prince Angel, who must be kissed with true love's first kiss."

"Wasn't that Sleeping Beauty?" Buffy inquired.

"It's the same for just about everybody. That's the law here in fairytale land." He quickly led her through some basic movements, some of which caused her bosom to pop out of her dress. Willow quickly added some body tape to the top of her dress.

"Now we must be off, as our magic only lasts until midnight. Your carriage awaits."

The royal carriage, Oz driving, pulled up to the door. Oz vaulted off his seat and kissed Willow heartily. Then he helped her up onto the seat. Giles opened the door for Buffy and followed her in. "We are coming with you in case you need help."

At the ball every eye was on the handsome couple in the middle of the floor who were dancing and kissing as they danced. This was because Prince Lindsey had forbidden anybody else to dance until he had shown off all of his moves. Finally the King stood up. "Enough, Lindsey. Now everybody dance." He took Queen Cordelia by the hand and led her to the floor.

Prince Lindsey and Princess Rosemary snuck off to their bedroom and proceeded to frolic with abandon. "I think we need a new mattress," she said, "or your mother has concealed another pea under it. I don't know how long it will take until she realizes I am a real princess."

"You'll always be my princess," he said, as he bestowed his royal scepter upon her.

Lilah had arrived at the ball along with Darla and Drusilla. Prince Angel looked at them and strode onto the dance floor, giving each of the vampires a hand. The three danced together. Lilah strolled the ballroom looking for rich men who did not have wives hanging onto them. Although she was beautiful, her reputation had preceded her, and men fled from her.

Just then there was a flourish of trumpets. Angel stopped dancing with his partners, who had been convincing him that it was more fun to be a vampire than a human. In walked the most radiant, gorgeous creature that he had ever seen. He dropped their hands and, like a man in a dream, walked up to the young woman with the golden hair and the two stakes in her hand. "May I have this dance?"

Tucking her stakes into her belt, Buffy took his hand and the two danced. Although they did not dance as well as Lindsey and Rosemary, every eye was on them for they looked at each other with true love.

Meanwhile Giles was being tempted by Lilah. As it had been a while since his wife Jenny had died at the fangs of a vampire, he had not been with a woman for a long time. To his good fortune, however, Lilah quickly ascertained that he was not rich and moved on. He was a little disappointed, but that's life.

Seeing that they had lost the prince to this girl, whoever she was, Darla and Drusilla vamped out and started snacking on any guest who had been foolish enough not to wear a cross. "Buffy, you're needed!" Giles shouted as Drusilla grabbed him.

Curtseying to Prince Angel, Buffy politely asked, "Will you excuse me for a minute?"

Then she vaulted down to where Giles was being attacked and staked Drusilla.

Before she turned to dust, Drusilla recognized Buffy. "I knew there was a reason why I didn't like you much."

Then Buffy launched herself at Darla. Darla was stronger, smarter, and more cunning than Drusilla and put up a good battle. However, she had not had the forethought to tape the top of her dress, so she had to stop to readjust her clothes. Being a lady, Buffy waited for her to begin again. Finally Darla thought, what the heck. If you've got it, flaunt it.

Finally, one ruined refreshment table, ten gallons of spilled wine punch, six torn drapes, one small fire which was started when a torch was knocked over, and numerous bruises, contusions, and welts later, Buffy staked Darla. But just then the clock started striking midnight. Buffy, Giles, Willow, and Oz fled. Oz quickly drove her home as Giles thoughtfully draped his coat around her. Fortunately Buffy had her own underwear on under the gown that Willow had created for her.

When she got home, Buffy quickly slid into bed. Lilah came in weeping for her lost daughters and also for the lack of male interest in her. Maybe now that I have no vampire daughters I can get a man, she suddenly realized. Her spirits were lifted and she sang her way to bed.

Back at the palace, Prince Angel ran around looking for his lost love. Queen Cordelia rousted Prince Lindsey and Xander out of their respective beds and made them help look for clues after they quickly dressed. Rosemary and Anya were left pouting.

Finally their search was over, as Angel found the two stakes that Buffy had brought in. "Let us go quickly and search for the owner of these stakes. I love her."

"Come on, Angel, it's too late. All of the maidens would be in bed now, and that's where I'm going," his younger brother said. "I'll go out looking for her tomorrow."

The next day Lindsey, Xander, and Oz went searching for the owner of the stakes. The last place they went was Lilah's house. Clutching their crosses tightly, they knocked at the door. "Is the maiden whose stakes these are here?"

"My daughters are dead." They unclutched their crosses. "There is only my stepdaughter, who did not go to the ball."

"May we see her?"

Lilah slowly nodded. If by some strange chance Buffy had managed to get to the ball, this would give her a connection to the palace. Queen Cordelia might manage to succumb to one of her little concoctions that she had used to rid herself of husbands before her daughters became vampires. Then she could marry King Wesley. "Buffy," she called.

Buffy ran downstairs. "Oh, I see you've found my stakes. Thank you for returning them." She looked at Lindsey. "Have I met you before?"

"He's the younger prince, the one on the mattress calendar." Lilah said.

Suddenly Willow and Giles appeared. Willow waved her wand and Buffy was dressed in the gorgeous gown that she had worn at the ball. As Lindsey and Xander had been in bed before she arrived, they didn't recognize her. Oz, however, did, and informed them that this was indeed the slayer from the ball.

As Lindsey was about to leave with Buffy, he suddenly recognized Lilah. "You're the Black Widow. You're wanted for killing ten husbands." As Lilah hung her head and held out her hands to be cuffed, he went on, "Do you need a good attorney? I'll get my lackey Lee to represent you."

Everyone shook their heads in sorrow. She's dead meat, they thought.

Arriving back at the palace, Buffy quickly ran to Angel and kissed him. And kissed him. And kissed him. And ran her hands down his chest. And slipped off her gown. And let him run his hands down her chest. The newly unvamped prince took his love down to his bedroom. Lindsey ran off to his bedroom where Rosemary was waiting. Xander set off to find Anya. Willow found an unused chamber, conjured up a big comfortable bed, and started making love to Oz. King Wesley shrugged, said, "Oh, well, it's good for our mattress industry." Taking Queen Cordelia by the hand, he headed for their bedchamber.

Lee the lackey was not much of a lawyer, but he realized that with everyone preoccupied with lovemaking it wouldn't be hard to take Lilah away, especially as nobody had bothered to put her in a cell. So they took off for another kingdom, where a king with a daughter named Snow White soon fell prey to her beauty and then to her potions.

And they all (except for Snow White and her father, Darla, Drusilla, and Holland) lived happily ever after.