As he sat at a table in The Meet Market, scanning the room for possibilities, a beautiful woman came and sat across from him. Her eyes were a lovely deep blue, almost sapphire, and her hair could only be called golden. She was smiling at him.

Better to get it over with now, he thought. He lifted his arm and laid his artificial right hand on the table. Now she'd leave, but better now than later.

Instead of making an excuse and taking off, however, she gently touched his plastic hand. "Do you still feel the phantom pain?"

He was amazed. "Once in a while. Not often, though. It's been a year."

"It looks brand new."

"It's a replacement. The other one was broken."

"By a vampire with your own sledge hammer. I know."

"Who the hell are you?"

"My name is Gerda. Do you have fifty cents?"

Talk about a non sequitor! He reached into his pocket with his good left hand and withdrew two quarters. She took them and put them into the juke box on the table, punching in a number. Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven began to play. Lindsey had always loved that song that Clapton had written after his young son's tragic death.

"There are tears in heaven, you know. People in heaven look down on the ones they left behind and cry for their pain and their loneliness. And their sins. That's why I'm here, Lindsey. There are so many tears being shed for you. Your mother, your sister Elaine, even your friend Tony. They're all crying for you and what you've allowed yourself to become. Your mother suffered so much on earth, as you know, and now she's suffering in heaven as well because of you."

"Who are you?" He frowned.

"Just a messenger. They understand why you felt you had to go to work for Wolfram & Hart but not why you didn't leave when you had the chance. They see that you're losing your soul. But you're not even enjoying it. When have you been happy, Lindsey? Your soul is dying, and your heart is dying as well. You go from your job to your apartment and drink, or you come to a place like this looking for sex. And your heart is drowning in the tears you won't allow yourself to shed."

"That's not true."

"You're right. It's not completely true. You did love Darla. You gave her everything you had to give, and she threw it in your face. But that at least gave them hope. Your heart wasn't dead. Do you remember The Snow Queen, Lindsey? You have ice splinters in your brain, your eyes, and your heart, just like Kay."

"And you're Gerda, come to melt them away with your love."

"Yes, I do love you, as I love every man and woman on earth, but it's their love, your mother's, Elaine's, and Tony's, that will melt the ice." She reached out with both hands. One went to his eyes and the other went into his chest. He felt the most excruciating pain he had ever felt in his life, even worse than when Angel had cut his hand off. Then, suddenly, the pain stopped and was replaced by a warm glow. He felt good. He suddenly felt as if maybe there was hope for him.

"Yes, Lindsey, there is hope for you. You will leave Wolfram & Hart, but there is still one more task for you there. You'll know when the time is right. In the meantime, leave. There is no one here for you." She leaned forward and kissed him twice, once on the forehead and once, gently, on the lips. "One of those was from your mother, and the other was from Elaine. Goodbye, Lindsey." Suddenly she vanished.

Lindsey rose from the table, leaving more money behind than was necessary for his drink and a tip. Then he headed out the door and down the street, not really looking where he was going.

After he had walked a while, he came to a brightly lit diner. Coffee would be good, and maybe even a piece of chocolate cake. He went inside and headed for a booth. As he approached a booth, he saw a somewhat familiar face inside it, a plate of chocolate cake and a cup of coffee in front of her. "Detective Lockley?"

She looked up at him, smiled wryly, and shook her head. "Just Kate. I'm off the force. I guess that means Wolfram & Hart won't have me after them any more."

"I'm sorry, Kate. You were a good cop. I'm sorry we used you. I did when I told you where to find Faith. That wasn't right."

"Apologies, Lindsey? I'm amazed."

"May I join you? I'd really like some company now. I had the most extraordinary experience."

"I don't know if I want to hear it. I can't imagine that it would be anything good."

"Actually, it was. I was visited by a messenger from my mother and my sister in heaven." She looked amazed and nodded. "How's the chocolate cake?"

"Great. So is the coffee."

Lindsey motioned to the waitress for the same thing Kate was having. "Last night Angel and I had quite a fight. He smashed my hand and went off with my truck. Whatever he did with it left it a mess. I walked home, maybe five miles, to find that Darla had left, cleaning my place out. So tonight I had hit a really low point. I went to The Meet Market. . ." Lindsey told Kate the story of his strange encounter. During his narrative his cake and coffee arrived. Kate was right. It was delicious.

She shook her head. "That's fantastic, Lindsey. Last night I tried to kill myself, and I had an amazing experience as well. Angel came and rescued me, and I hadn't invited him in."

"Thank God he got there for you." Lindsey pulled out his wallet and left a twenty dollar bill on the table. "Will you come home with me tonight, Kate? I promise all I want is company, and I think you could use some, too."

As he rose, she held out her hand. "All right. I need someone tonight."

They walked to her car and he gave her directions to his place. When he opened the door, she looked around. "I see what you mean she cleaned you out. Somehow, though, I thought you'd live someplace more elegant and expensive than this."

"I had to move for Darla. I had invited Angel into my old place, and I didn't want him to be able to get in. At least she didn't take my guitar. Not that I'll ever play it again!"

He led her into the bedroom, where he took off his tie, his jacket, and his shoes. She removed her shoes and lay down on top of the spread. He lay next to her, wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her gently on the forehead and then on the lips. "Goodnight, Kate."

"Goodnight, Lindsey." She snuggled against him and closed her eyes.

Before he fell asleep, he prayed silently, "God, help me to be the person my mother wants me to be."

In the morning he woke feeling refreshed and even hopeful. Kate was starting to open her eyes. "Would you like to take a shower, Kate? I'm not sure if Darla left me any soap or shampoo or anything, but, if she did, help yourself."

"That would be nice. Thank you." She headed for the bathroom. Lindsey went into the kitchen. He ground some coffee beans and began making coffee. Fresh oranges went into the juicer. Then he took out two silky placemats, his good crystal, silver, and china, which at one time he had thought he'd use to dazzle all the beautiful young women he'd be bringing to his place, and set the table. He whisked eggs and milk with vanilla and cinnamon while butter melted in the griddle and syrup gently warmed in the microwave.

As Kate emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and towel-drying her hair, she smelled the aroma of fresh coffee. "Lindsey, how wonderful." He was lighting two candles in his crystal candlesticks.

"I wish I had fresh flowers. This is the best I could do, though."

"It's wonderful. I love French toast. And freshly-squeezed orange juice. You do continue to amaze, Lindsey."

"If you'll wait for me to shower and shave, I thought maybe we could go to Mass together. I haven't been in years, and I'm sure the church will fall on me, but after last night I really should go."

Kate nodded. "I should too. I think each of us had a miracle. We need to give thanks."

Near Lindsey's apartment was a church with a young priest who coincidentally gave a sermon on changing one's life. Both Kate and Lindsey were struck by the way his words hit home with them. Although neither of them felt worthy to receive Communion, just attending Mass made both of them feel cleaner.

They parted at his apartment. "Kate, I'm going to be leaving Wolfram & Hart soon. I'm not sure when, but I understand I'll know when the time is right. Then I'll be going back to Oklahoma for a while to visit Mom's grave and look for my younger brother and sister. But I'll be back. I'd like to be able to find you again."

"So would I. Let me give you my address and phone number. I owe you a breakfast, although it won't be as nice as yours, I'm sure." She kissed him not quite as gently as he had kissed her the night before. The kiss was a promise. "I hope you find yourself a new life, Lindsey."

"I know now that I will, Kate. And I will be back." She got into her car and drove off, looking back in the rear view mirror as he stood on the sidewalk until she turned the corner.

As Lindsey drove away in his battered truck, he could see Angel standing in the street, the hint of a smirk on his face. I wonder what that's all about? He must be glad to be rid of me. Even though Lindsey knew he had had a change of heart, and that he was going to get back on the right path, he realized that Angel must not be completely sure of him. Oh, well. Let him think whatever he wants.

Before he got more than a block away, however, he realized that there was something else he really wanted to do. No, it was more than that. It was something he had to do. He turned back toward the city and stopped a minute to look at a piece of paper he had in his pocket. Then he headed toward the address.

About fifteen minutes later he was knocking at an apartment door. The door opened as far as the chain lock would allow, and a beautiful blue eye was looking at him. "Lindsey? Is that you?" The door closed, the chain was removed, and the door opened again.

"May I come in, Kate?"

She opened the door wider to admit him. "Where are you going, to a costume party?"

He looked down at his clothes: leather jacket, flannel shirt, jeans, cowboy boots. "This is the real Lindsey McDonald, Kate. I dressed like this the first seventeen years of my life. Then I had to dress for success in college, in law school, and at the firm. Now I can be myself again. I've left Wolfram & Hart for good. I'm on my way back to Oklahoma."

Did a look of sadness momentarily cross her face? He couldn't be sure. "What happened, Lindsey? How did you leave? You told me that the angel, or whatever she was, whom you met last Saturday night said that you'd be gone soon but that you had one more task to carry out first."

"She was right. Would you like to hear the whole story?" He raised his right hand.

"Lindsey! You got a new hand! Now I have to hear everything. Sit down." She led him to the sofa and sat at one end while he seated himself at the other. "Would you like coffee or something?"

He shook his head. "No, thanks. I went to work one day and, after our staff meeting, when I made a suggestion that I hoped would solve one of the firm's problems with a minimum of trouble for all concerned, Nathan, my boss, called me into his office and sent me to the Fairfield Clinic. They gave me a new hand, complete with a Pockla demon for the healing. I couldn't believe it. It felt so good, at least for a while."

She was following every word intently. "Then what?"

"Lilah and I had a meeting with a client, and I was presenting my idea. Anyway, he remarked that I was writing it all down. I wasn't. My new hand was writing by itself. There was KILL, KILL, KILL all over the pad. I had to get out of there. I jumped up and left the meeting and went home."

Kate was shaking her head. "My God, how strange!"

"It gets stranger. I sat at my desk at home with my pen in my hand and it wouldn't write a word, even when I poked it with a letter opener and drew a little blood. So I grabbed my guitar and headed for Caritas."

"Of course," Kate said, unbelievingly. "What else would you do?"

"When I was on stage singing, Angel came in with his crew, Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn. You know them?" She nodded. "When I was done, Lorne said that the only way I would solve this problem was to work with Angel. Somehow this didn't sit well with me. I got into a snit and left. Very childish, I know."

"Angel does tend to bring out the worst in some people sometimes." She smiled wryly at him. "Believe me, I know."

"I went to W&H & got into Nathan's computer. While I was there, I saw Lilah stealing files and packing a gun in her purse. She didn't see me. I followed the lead I got to a parole officer who had been in charge of the man whose hand I now had. However, he was about to kill me when Angel saved my life. He had found him through the fingerprints I left on a glass in Caritas. We made him lead us to a travel agency which was actually a front for Wolfram & Hart." Lindsey stopped and shook his head, as if the memory were still painful. "Maybe I will take that coffee now. Or a bottle of water."

Kate went into the kitchen & came back with mugs of coffee for both of them. Lindsey took a deep drink. "After we fought our way in, we found something out of a science fiction movie. People, most with parts missing, were being kept in huge transparent cylinders full of some kind of clear liquid, breathing through masks. There was one that was just a torso with no arms, no legs, and even no head!"

Kate's eyes were wide with amazement. "Go on, please."

"I found the man whose hand I was wearing. I had known him. We worked together in the mail room during one summer when I was in law school. He had been caught stealing bearer bonds from Wolfram & Hart and sent to prison. When he got out, this was how the firm punished him. I looked at him and he begged me to kill him."

A tear rolled down Kate's cheek. "What did you do?"

"I turned off his life support. Then I went a little berserk and started smashing things up. Angel rescued a couple of people who were still whole, and then he emptied the oxygen tanks. After we got out, he threw a lighted match into the middle of the room."

"I saw that on the news. Mysterious explosion destroys travel agency. So that was you & Angel."

He nodded. "The next day I went to the staff meeting. I was promoted to vice president and Lilah was about to be terminated. Don't ask me how they planned to remove her; I don't want to think about it. I stopped her from getting her gun and started making this fantastic speech about how I owed my promotion to my evil hand. I got the gun from Alan, the security guard, and shot him in his foot. Then I went around shooting up the room, yelling at my evil hand." He smiled broadly. "Stop it, evil hand! Stop! I can't control my evil hand!"

Kate had started to laugh. "I pointed out that I knew things they wouldn't want the Senior Partners to know, and so did Lilah. I turned my job over to her, told them to go after me if they dared, and left, pinching Lilah's butt on the way out."

"I wish I'd seen that. It must have been amazing." Kate was laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes.

"I have to admit it was damn good! So I went home, threw some things in my duffel bag, grabbed my guitar, and left. Angel was waiting by the curb when I came out. He told me not to come back."

"Oh," she sighed.

"But when have I ever listened to Angel?" He set his mug on the coffee table. "I do want to go to Oklahoma to find my brother and sister, if I can. Maybe I'll make amends with my father, if he's still around. I'd like to see more of the country. I've never been east of Oklahoma or north of San Francisco."

"It'll be quite a while until you get back, I guess." She sighed again.

"Probably. It's a really long way to travel alone, though." He looked at her. "Have you done much traveling?"

"I've never been out of California. My whole life was here. I was raised to be an LA cop. I'd love to see more of the country. There's nothing here for me now." She paused briefly. "Tell me, how did you happen to come to the diner that night?"

"After I left The Meet Market, I just started walking. I really wasn't paying any attention to the way I was going. When I saw the diner, I was suddenly hungry. I hadn't been before."

"I had never been there before, either. I just had a sudden urge for some chocolate cake, and I was basically driving around aimlessly until I found it. Do you think it was fate?"

"I'm sure of it. Come with me, Kate. I'd really love your company. How long will it take you to pack?"

"Give me ten minutes." She was back in seven, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair in a pony tail. She carried two duffel bags. "I'm ready."

He took one of the bags. "Kate, I'm so glad you're coming with me. We'll have a good time, I promise you." He kissed her gently. Then he reached for the other bag.

"I can carry it."

"It feels good to be able to carry things with both hands again, Kate. May I?"

While she was turning out lights, he set the bags in the hallway. She paused a minute and picked up a picture of a smiling couple with a young blonde girl. "I want to take this. It was the last time we were together before Mom died. We didn't know it, of course. There's nothing else here I want or need."

When she got to the door, Lindsey picked her up and carried her out into the hall. Before he set her back on her feet, he kissed her.

"What was that all about?" she asked, a radiant smile on her face.

"A man carries his bride across the threshold to signify the start of their new lives in their new home. Our new lives will start outside in the wide world, not in the narrow confines of our apartments. So I thought it would be appropriate."

She slipped her arms around his neck. "Very." After a kiss, she said, "Let's go."

When they got out to the truck, Lindsey said, "I just had it completely overhauled, thanks to Angel. It's better than it looks."

Kate laughed. "It's perfect. We're starting from scratch."

"Not really. I put a good amount of money away in some hidden accounts, so we can come and go as we please, stopping wherever we want, just enjoying ourselves. I know I've never really been free. How about you?"

"Never. It'll be fun." She picked a piece of paper from under the windshield wiper. "Lindsey, you got a parking ticket."

"I didn't know you couldn't park here."

"It is street cleaning night, but that's much later than this. I wonder why they did it."

He went around to the back of the truck after loading Kate's bags into the bed. "I think I see why."

Kate joined him at the rear of the truck. "That'd do it, I guess. Angel?"

He took another look at the sign and started to blush. Then it suddenly struck Kate, and her blush was redder than his. He was about to tear the sign up when she took it from him and laid it face down in the bed of the truck. "Something to remember Angel by." But as she looked up at him through her thick lashes, a little smile barely playing across her lips, he knew that wasn't exactly what she meant.

Walking to the passenger side of the truck, he opened the door and helped her in. "Well, Dorothy, shall we follow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City?"

As he slid into the driver's seat, she laid her hand on his heart. "You're obviously not the Tin Man. You're too intelligent to be the Scarecrow. And you have too much courage to be the Lion. You must be the Wonderful Wizard."

"That's me. I don't know if we necessarily want to go to Kansas though."

"We can go wherever we want. For now, into the sunrise." And the former cop and the former attorney for evil headed east into their future.