After every day and night for most of my life
After years of companionship and love
After so much time and work and happiness
He is gone
His pain is eased and he is at peace
I wish to be happy for him
But he has left me to live alone
Living is empty without his life
Days are empty and long
Nights are sleepless except for nightmares
I reach out for comfort and the space is empty
Everyone has words of comfort
“Time heals all wounds”
Words are meaningless to me
They bring no immediate comfort
No bliss comes of cliché statements
Time is too long and forever
I don’t want to wait for it to heal my pain
I miss him so
Every knock on the door or call on the phone
I hope it is him telling me that its all been a mistake and he is mine again forever
I can hear but I don’t listen
I go through all the normal chores but I cannot feel myself moving
I am panicking
Time seems to grow longer and longer by the minute
It seems I’ve been without him for a lifetime rather that a few days
So many beautiful memories
But I do not want memories
I want him to live again
I secretly hope that when I go to sleep
I will wake up and this has all been a nightmare
Or that I won’t wake up at all
I don’t know what to do with myself
There is so much time in a day to fill
I hardly noticed when I had someone to live for
So much time in my life was spent being a “we”
How do I become an “I” again
And what if I do not want to
I would do anything to bring him back
I would do anything for a miracle that would make me whole again
I want to go dancing with him
I want to watch our favourite movie
I want to wake up in the night and feel his cold feet on mine
I want him to leave the toilet seat up and the toothpaste cap off
I want lips to kiss and a hand to hold
I could get through anything when he was here
But who can help me get through this
Why was he taken from me
I wasn’t finished with him yet