Quotable Quotes

New Skule and Family quotes! (look for the white)

(well at least people on TV or people with names... or anonymous...)

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
    - Lily Tomlin
"There is no point at which you can say, ' Well, I'm successful now, I might as well take a nap."
    - Carrie Fisher
"All power corrupts, but we need electricity."
    - Haythum R. Khalid
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
    - Mark Twain
"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be a darling at it."
    - Dorothy Parker
"If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old."
    - Edward W. Howe
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
    - Don Marquis
“Chinese is definitely not a Germanic language.”
    - Kris (Amazing Race 5)
“They look happy, don’t they? / What the Bra’s?”
    - Stan Lee and Brodie (Mallrats)
“They idolize the lousy cripple and not you.”
    - Little girl on Family Guy
“Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish yet affordable boots, but there's definitely something unnatural going on here. And that doesn't usually lead to hugs and puppies.”
    - Buffy, Once More With Feeling (from thefacebook on buffy syntax)
“I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”
    - Napoleon Dynamite
“What's going on? Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother.”
    - Cordelia
“I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.”
    - Willow
“I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were.”
    - Buffy
“Too much of an awesome thing is... umm... really, really dumb and bad.”
    - Sbemail
“You have no right interrupting our broadcast! No right!”
    - Random Broadcast Guy (probably Global? Anybody see the BNAD on TV?)
"Cuz I’m not fucking laughin’ Nik-o-las."
    - Rory (Lock, Stock)
"Mail Motherfucker."
    - Euro Trip (email notice)
"If you've got it, sunbath it."
    - Lea (Survivor Vanuatu)
"A zebra is a light-colored animal with dark stripes, not a dark one with light stripes."
    - American Museum of Natural History
"Dear Diary, my teenage angst bullshit now has a body count."
    - Veronica (Heathers)
"Us Christian girls have got to learn to protect ourselves. I mean, sure Jesus could restore my mental and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some [cocks gun] rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary."
    - Hilary Faye (at a shooting range in Saved)
"You can't get off, unless you get on"
    - Marie-Jane Watson (Spiderman2)
"Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which we will not put."
    - Churchill
"If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. / Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it!"
    - Lady Astor/Winston Churchill
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it."
    - W.C. Fields
"The harder you rub, the cleaner I come."
    - Guy from the old Dating Game
"First of all, we all know Chihuahuas speak Spanish."
    - Jon Stewart
"I can smense [it]"
    - Brian (Survivor: Thailand, trying to combine "sense it" and "smell it")
"Buffy, I'm here to kill you not to judge you."
    - Vampire (Buffy maybe knew him from school?)
"It was disappointing and a let down, but it was great."
    - Russell (Amazing Race #?)
"I don't vote. Why bother. I'm not running."
    - "All About Me, with Barbara Stevens" (Royal Canadian Air Farce)
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
    - Anonymous
"Suburbs are places where they cut down trees and name streets after them."
    - Anonymous
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
    - George Gobel

(well at least people from UofT)

“Load is better than duty.”
    - Stacey 

“I new found respect and fear of Rob.”
    - Chris 

“I will not take those ill-gotten mints. / They weren’t ill-gotten; they were a bribe.”
    - Me/Angelo

“What if I was standing in front of Stacey and Rob threw a Brick and I ducked?”
    - Henrik 

“You would throw a brick at someone for me, right?”
    - Stacey (to me) 

“Don’t you ever come out of an action movie and want to kick some ass? / I’d rather be baking.”
    - Me/Angelo

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't get."
   - PeteS
"Where do you get a Dose / On the street."
   - DanS/Rob
“I wish I was that gay. Oh look, it’s Nick.”
   - DanR (he actually didn’t know it was nick)
“You understand the course better than your mark.”
   - thanks a lot Prof Woodhouse...
“3.1 Perform the following estimations without using a calculator.
(a) Estimate the mass of water (kg) in an Olympic-size swimming pool.”
   - p65 Process Textbook (ya like my calculator would’ve helped a lot...)
“Why would you go to Sudbury except to die. If I was going to commit suicide I’d go to Sudbury to make a statement.”
   - Random Guy in Caf
“J*Ag*man – grocery shopping @dominion (Away)”
   - Jordan’s msn name at 12:30ish on a Saturday.
"Captain Omazing says:
Nick being beautiful - not even Dean at a Jordan Convention held in memory of Stefano can say that with a straight face"
   -Megan says:
“He so annoying, he never stops talking.”
   - Nick (about Nick)
“Even Cinderella didn’t have a curfew. / Ya she did, but it was a lot later than Nick’s”
   - Rob/Rob (ya i remember saying both parts, not matter what Steph says, she didn't say that quote)
“When would use a batch process? / Baking cookies.”
   - Woodhouse/Chris
“Smashy, smashy. / That’s a quote to write down. / But he got it from the Simpsons. / I don’t approve of that.”
   - DanS/Danielle/Me/DanS
“I like the sausage. *pause* It tastes fresh. *pause* It is fresh.”
   - Nick
“I was gonna stand by you when you came out of the closet.”
   - Stacey (to DanR...)
“I’m built for comfort, not for speed.”
   - Stacey
“With our boundaries combined!”
   - DanS
“How bout we save our money and buy Dan the Nirvana Box Set? / I don’t want the Nirvana Box Set.”
   - DanR/DanS
“How can heat be transferred from me, a hot body, to you?”
   - Prof Allen
 “It’s very small and you can’t feel it until you get your hand around it.”
   - Prof Allen
“I bet he’s gonna do them together.”
   - Tanya (in Koffler Health Place)
“We should confess that we are, in fact, not really talking telling the truth about big oh notation.”
   - Megan’s Java Book (faking it)
“Don’t make me pivet.”
   - Prof Kuhn
“Can anyone tell me how to solve this? / No that’s why we came here.”
   - Prof Allen/Tanya (in an extra tutorial)
"I may physicallly be able to wrestle you down."
   - Prof Kuhn
"I wish I had a basement to stick people in."
   - Megan
"Next thing you know, you'll all be hugging and touching."
   - Prof Paradi
"Well obviously x = 9, you bastard."
   - Tanya
"It's your friend./Hah, friends don't rape each other."
   - Prof Allen/Danielle (about an Integral)
"You people probably didn't watch Star Trek."
   - Steph (to 3 engineers)
"Does it prefer to be underneath or does it prefer to be on top?"
   - Prof Boocock
"Collect the water, then condescend it./Don't you mean condense it?"
   - DanR/Krystin
“And by love I mean hate, and by you I mean you.”
   - DanR (to Tanya)
“If you were writing on orange paper, blue pen would be appropiate.”
   - Chris
“You know what’s bad: when I look around this room I only see people that are smarter than me.”
   - DanS
“It’s kind of like porno, but I like it.”
   - Stacey
“You know: little nephew in the bathtub.” (I forget the rest… but it was sounding like anything different than it implies…)
   - Prof Allen (Fluids)
“I don’t know if made it R-R. Cuz that’s what I did.”
   - Boocock
"If they’re gonna give us the answers what’s the point in learning."
   - Tanya
“Are the games in the music?/That’s not a word.”
   - Me/DanS (no sense at all…)
Power Point Presentation Tips:
    “Be the Master not the Slave.”
      Don’t use the excuse: “The computer made me do it.”
    “The computer is a tool.” (you’re a tool…)
“Oh look over there, little tiny hydrogen, here I come.”
   - Bad Nucleophile (Boocock)
"If you're Jewish, you're not here."
    - Prof Paradi (we all thought he was being offensive, but then realized it was    Hashanah)
"It vibrated as I was taking it up."
    - George (about the elevator...)
"You mean to tell me you're busy everyday?/ Yes!/ I don't believe that."
    - Prof Paradi/Class
"Shaft Work"
    - Fluid Mechanics
"Do I look like a girl?"
    - Tanya (and no... lol)
"You get it fast and you get it at room temperature."
    - Prof Boocock
"I think I'm funny"
    - Monica
    - Nick
"Dude! You're gonna die!"
    - Nick as Doctor Dante
"Sometimes I like to put a pillow on my head like this."
    - Monica
"Fractionate" , "Factorize" and "Exponentiating"
    - Burbulla (fractionate and factorize are apparently words...sure...stupid language...)
"Can you look at this arrow and tell me where chem is?"
    - Tanya referring to arrow on binder
"Salad solubility"
    - Coil?
"I'll do anything for a dollar."
    - Tanya
"What are you doing now?"/"Shaft."
    - Tanya/Skruch
"I don't like boys."
    - Tanya

Old School
(PHS or lower)

"I'm going to go to a midterm with a shirt that says 'The Cheat' on it."
    - Chelsey (from Courtney actually not phs... but close enough...)
I stole these quotes from heather:
"Ryan, give him back the mallet./ But he's hitting me over the head with it! What am I supposed to do, give it back to him and say 'Here Nitin, please continue???' "
    - Mr. Bronson/Ryan
    - Jeff and Matt
"OMG, if Rob doesn't show up at all, his trombone is gonna go so far up his ass!"
    - Courtney

I stole these quotes from lisa, but i was actually there for some of them... some of them, not so there...
"Tosh, you’re not paying attention. You’re looking over there at your girlfriend. I don’t know which one she is, but it must be one of them."
    - Ms. McKeown
"Call it x, call it p, call it fruitcake, it’s still a parabola!/I’m so doing that on my next test, I’ll have my fruitcake-y axes."
    - Mr. Clark/Graham (from Lisa)
"It’s in the other part of the brain, not the primal part. They didn’t use calculus to kill tigers."
    - Mr. Rapos (from Lisa)
"When I take a number and square it, it’s going to be positive. When I square it again, it’s going to be even more positive."
    -Mr. Rapos (from Lisa)
Ms. Bell: I’m trying to do some work so if you want to be funny, get a job.
Students: *silence and blank stares*
Ms. Bell: At the comedy club.
    - From Lisa
"You’re wearing it on the wrong hand. It’s a disgrace. It’s like wearing the Sorting Hat on your ass. Hmmm, Slytherin."
    -Jeff (From Lisa)
Mr. Riegert: *writes on the board 'Quiz Todae'
~half an hour later~
Cameron: Uh, sir? You spelled 'today' wrong.
Mr. Riegert: No I didn’t, how do you spell sundae?
Cameron: S-U-N-D-A-Y.
Mr. Reigert: No, like the ice cream.
Ryan: C-A-M-E-R-O-N-I-S-A FAG!
    - From Lisa
"Lei, lei! you lei them as they come!"
    - Rob
"A hoe is a farm vehicle. Come on everyone, let’s all get on the hoe."
    - Jeff (From Lisa)
"Come on Rob, you know it all from last year./Yeah, like I gave a damn last year."
    - Cher/Rob
"All I know is phloem doesn’t have water. For a minute I almost said sex."
    - Rob
"Our number one priority is not to consequence you."
    - Mrs. McDonald
Mr. Rabjohn: And if you dump a bucket of water on the top of the mountain, which way is it going to go?
Cameron: Down?
    - From Lisa
Mr. Riegert: Is it legal to go through a stop sign?
Alex: They’re stoptional, sir.
    - From Lisa
"I would like to thank the Estonians, for keeping the school clean, and free of garbage…"
    - Mrs. McDonald
"The snow is beautiful. However, snow can be dangerous. If you pick it up and roll it into ball, it is dangerous."
    - Mrs. McDonald
"Here at Pickering High School, we do not tolerate students being smart."
    - Mrs. McDonald
"I saw two puffins and two frogs [having sex]. but not together."
    - Christine
Surenthar: It’s like that game with chairs when you move around.
Cher: Musical chairs?
Surenthar: Yes.
    - From Lisa
"We’re working on it in class? With what, the magical resources I’m going to pull out of my ass?"
    - Andrea
Cher: Rob, do a three point turn.
Rob: No, I like driveways better.
Cher: Yeah, you like doing those driveways better.
Rob: Yeah, they’re easy, you just go in and out.
  (rob was bouncing to smells like teen spirit by nirvana outside the banquet room at prom)
Steve: Rob’s being illogical again.
Nathan: At least he’s not bouncing anymore.
    - From Lisa
"Pickering is a stinking hellhole."
    - Mr. Kristof (From Lisa)
"[the sugar] tastes like ass. / You know what tastes like ass? Rob."
    - Christine/Kendra
"They should give an award to Book-Fort Kid. / Most Booky AND Forty! "
    - Lisa/Christine
Lisa: Come on, where's Book-Fort Kid's award?! 
Rob: Best Fort. 
Lisa: Best Fort during a musical performance.
-Christine: ... that would be amazing. 
Lisa: What? 
Christine: If she got the award for most rods up her ass. 
-Nathan: We need another hint. 
Lisa: ROB!!! 
Nitin: I don't think he's coming. 
Nathan: All guys come eventually. 
    - From Lisa
Lisa: Okay okay, what's the plural of Jesus ? 
Bunch of people: Jesi! 
Jeff: But the plural of bus isn't bi. 
Zoë: We have to start saying bi now. 
Lisa: My friends and I ride the bi to school. 
Rob: I always ride the bi. 
"So Steve, is your university built yet? / Define ‘built’."
    - Lisa/Steve (From Lisa)
Mr. Reigert: What’s the probability of getting a head?
Class: One in two!
Andrew: Well, if the girl is easy...
    - From Lisa
"It’s all fun... till you fail."
    - Mr. Reigert (From Lisa)
(walking past 'Receiving Area 4')
"Oh, I know you’d like to receive it in THAT area!"
    - Rob
Ms. Hartley: Rob, do you want to move to the front?
Rob: Uh, no.
Ms. Hartley: Well, every time you talk, I think it’s the announcements.
"It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited./Can I come in your mouth?"
    - Christine/Martin
"Actually pH is not equal to my face."
    - S.T. 
"Conformity without Prodding" (CwP)
    - Me...
"Where are you discharging?/Through my pants."
    - Miss Rensink/Henrik (Henrik was touching the electric ball thing...)
"You got shutupified."
    - S.T.
"I'm a machine. Input, Output."
    - S.T.
"That cheese actually has holes in it."
    - S.T.
"Gord", "Riyez", "Hafiz"
    - Kids names in a math textbook (sorry if they're your name, but c'mon...)
    (lol, sorry. Hafiz is common enough to be in spell-check)
"I heard it would be longer and harder."
    - Cher 
"The black cat, which was black in colour, hid in the dark shadow well, due to its black coat."
    - S.T.'s redundancy sentence
"If I wanted to kill someone on Earth it'd probably be him."
    - Vikky
"Just take it all off."
    - S.T. to Mrs. Pierce
"I had to lick the floor and I didn't even win."
    - Zoë
"I'm gonna score on your leg."
    - S.T.
"Nothing rhythms with Pickering."
    - Lisa
"Floppiness is not attractive./It's a notepad, it's not supposed to be attactive."
    - Jenna/Jeff
"Rob puts the RAISIN back in FundRAISINg"
"Say yeshy for Nesci"
    - Campaign Slogans
"Roberre ton <<AGENDA>> est horrible! Il est foldé sur tout la page!! tska tska"
    - Heather writing in my grade 11 agenda
    - S.T.
    - Heather writing in my grade 11 agenda
"Vertex farm"
    - Mr. Dass (let x be # of apples and let y be # of acres (he didn’t say this part...))
    - Mr. Dass saying theta (awesome math teacher)

"Catch me Tubby!"
    - The Little Note (from Tubby the Tuba)
"Indy's Back! And he's wearing a STETSON!"
    - Really weird, old Stetson ad found in art room.


(family, etc.)

“[The whole house stunk]. My room stunk. / Like what? / intestines cooking.
    - Silv/Me

"SquareBoy Spongepants"
    - Silv
"What's the worst that can happen?... They could rape us, chop us up, and sell our organs."
    - Silv (In Italy, when we were spying on drug dealers behind the church)
"Stone, round in shape and hollow, where cristals on the incide."
    - Crystal Rock Information Sign in Quebec (bad english translation on family trip)

Metro Crap
(everybody likes the metro...)

Actual Metro Headlines/Excerpts:

-Lynch rescuer tells story
-Giant 'guinea pig' fossil found
-Dogs sniff for guns, dope in schools
-5-second fallen food rule doesn't stand up
-Mom suing over tooth in soup
-French schools battle thongs
-Beetles invade Etobicoke area (first read as Beatles...)
-Fat Americans are getting fatter
-Tarantino will break after Kill Bill
    "I don't just want to work, I also want to live and have a lot of sex" he said.
-Strokes delay new album by a week (read as the illness, not the band...)
-Heston receives Charlton award
-Survey says firemen are sexiest here
    "A new survey from Condom maker Durex says...
    six per cent of Canadians have had sex with the boss - twice the global average."
-SARS linked to labs, WHO says (read as who)
-Police capture drunken crow
-Homes, stages not fit for tigers
-Men to learn art of washing clothes
-Smoking pot tires out sperm, study shows
-Couple kept 224 dogs at home

Metro Horrorscope Excerpts/Crossword Clues  (they're so bad...):

-Freedom is calling out your name even if no one else is.
-You'll have to rescue troubled person. Carry first aid kit supplied with wisdom and patience.

"Sitter hirers" - crossword clue (answer: parents ...)

Not Funny Quotes

"I don't know what you could say about a day in which you have seen four beautiful sunsets."
    - John Glenn
"You proceed from a false assumption: I have no ego to bruise."
    - Spock
"Try not. Do or do not. There is no try."
    - Yoda
"The one that defines the term wins the argument."
    - Ancient Chinese Proverb
"I want them to see what real courage is. Not them getting the idea it's a man with a gun.
It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and stick with
it no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."
    - Atticus Finch (Harper Lee's To Kill a Mocking Bird)