Lists

(jokes i got from an e-mail... still funny...)
Top Ten Signs You're Suffering Semester Burnout 
10. You're so tired, that you now answer the phone, "Hell." 
9. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, bitch!"
8. When your parents inquire about your grades, you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..." 
7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care. 
6. You've got so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee. 
5. Just to take a break from studying, you actually exit your dormitory when the nightly fire alarm goes off. 
4. You sleep more in class than at home. 
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your bookbag. 
2. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday. 
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us
15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.
14. Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."
13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego
bricks.
12. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy" display.
11. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.
10. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition.
9. The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.
8. Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.
7. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.
6. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the
Giraffe.
5. Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you
jackknifed a Big Wheel.
4. Caught hocking phlegm into tykes' hands and telling them it was "homemade Gack."
3. Your sales display, "Barbie's Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear
Holocaust Malibu" was not exactly an overwhelming success.
2. Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.
And the Number 1 Reason For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us...
1. Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I'm on break."

Fun Things To Do In A Mall
-Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
-Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
-Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"
-Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
-Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a mannequin.
-Occasionally scream without warning.
-Test mattresses naked.
-Stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
-Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."
-Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
-At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
-Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties clashes with the color of your beard.
-Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
-Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz."
-Ask the information desk for a stroller and someone to push you around in it.
-Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."
-Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.