"FOUR SHORT STORIES OF ABSURDITY" Vancouver, IPhO team training camp at UBC 1 - Someone's at the Wrong Olympiad Going to the International Physics Olympiad is without a doubt the thrill of a lifetime, and perhaps I'm a bit too excited upon first arriving in Vancouver. I begin taking photographs of every insignificant thing, much to the annoyance of our veteran Olympian Amir. Back at our National Olympiad Finals, I brought my camera but didn’t take a single photo because I thought I wouldn't make the team. Now I’m going to the IPhO and my camera will record the whole adventure! We get dropped off by our taxi, and are walking towards the physics building. Of course, I point my camera in every which direction and take pictures of everything from sea to sky. I’m totally absorbed in doing this when Amir decides he’s finally had enough. "Calm down, Tout," he orders before delivering his punch line, "IPhO doesn't stand for International Photography Olympiad!" 2 - Ice Cream Our team arrives at UBC in the middle of a science outreach camp run by the physics department. The team leader is nowhere to be found, and so we’re put in a room with thirty elementary school children who are absorbed in making balloons and messing around with markers. We stand in a corner looking amused as we observe “science” in action. Ali arrives separately from Ottawa and join us too, completing the team of five that will go to the IPhO in Korea. It so happens that one of the camp activities is making ice cream. What a chemistry experiment is doing in a physics building I have no idea. So all these kids, presumably with some adult assistance, set out to fill a huge tub with self-made ice cream. To our delight, when it's time for the happy campers to leave, they decide to leave their ice cream, which is enough to feed thirty hungry children, with the five of us. We find some bowls, some spoons, and most importantly, some chocolate and caramel syrup. The result cannot be described by mere words. I'll just call it "IPh-cream" and leave it at that. 3 - The Electric Bus The story starts off when the five of us decide to ride public transit to downtown Vancouver. It just so happens that the buses in Vancouver are nothing like those in Toronto. First of all, they are electrically powered! What's so special about that, you ask? Well, I guess electrical energy accelerates better than diesel, because the experience of being on these buses as they come roaring out of a bus stop is not unlike that of an airplane takeoff! You’re jerked back suddenly and pressed firmly in your seat, while the hum of the engines increases steadily in pitch and intensity. The fun does not end there, though. Eventually, the bus must come to a stop again, and amazingly enough, the brakes on these buses are just as good as the engines! Whether I’m holding onto a handrail or sitting in my seat, I would awkwardly lose my balance as the bus comes to a halt. Imagine standing up in the aisles as a plane touches down and the pilot steps on the brakes, and you’ll get an idea of what it feels like. You can probably attach some wings to these buses and make them fly! 4 - The Last Supper Our four days at UBC are nearly over. We finish our mock exams, and the team leader instructs our deputy leader to take us out for a nice Greek meal at Candia Taverna as a “last supper” before we fly off to Korea the next morning. On arriving at the restaurant, we each order seemingly identical platters of souvlaki. The portions we receive are enormous, leading me to think that Greek restaurants perhaps do not expect anyone to completely finish their meal. We're halfway through our souvlaki when Amir starts behaving like he wants leave about half the meal unfinished. I happily scold him for being wasteful, making stupid remarks about hungry children in poor third-world countries. I bother him to the point that he decides he would not leave the restaurant until he finishes the other half of his meal. At that point, the four of us become a bit concerned that our smartest team member might end up in hospital with a burst stomach before the IPhO even began! We start pleading with him to stop tormenting himself but it’s of no use. When Amir sets out on a path nothing can deter him. Bite after bite he manages to cram down the rest of his souvlaki, and upon finishing gets to bask in his triumph. Well, after consuming all that food, we can’t possibly take one of those crazy electric buses back to UBC, since it might just induce the five of us to throw up our meals simultaneously! We decided to walk back to campus, retracing the path our ten minute bus ride took earlier in the day. Sometime during this walk, I spot a gorgeous view of the Vancouver skyline, and stop to take a few photos with my camera. The problem is, I’m doing this in the middle of a major intersection, and while I was focused on framing the picture the traffic light had changed colour. I’m brought back to reality by the sound of a car horn. I wave to the driver in embarrassment as I finish crossing the road. Of course the rest of them are all safe on the sidewalk watching happily as I waltzed into near disaster. After half an hour of walking, we arrive back at UBC. It’s about eight or nine in the evening, our deputy leader is at some bar with his friends, so we look for something fun to do for our last night in town. It’s off to the arcade! The first event of the night is Dance Dance Revolution. Peter turns out to be an amazing dancer, having practiced regularly in Calgary with his many girlfriends. Noemie is really good too because she does gymnastics in high school. As for the rest of us, our hand-eye coordination leaves much to be desired, but we nonetheless have tremendous fun embarrassing ourselves. After DDR it was time for CounterStrike at the adjacent cybercafe. Unfortunately, Noemie isn't much into such violent games, so she watches from the sidelines. That makes it a perfect two-on-two scenario, with the teams divided along ethnic lines - the Chinese vs. the Iranians. By sheer coincidence, both Peter and I are experienced players while Amir and Ali have never played before. The counter-terrorists are unstoppable for the first few rounds, but Physics Olympians learn quickly and it’s not long before the terrorists are accumulating their own victories. We play maps like "de_dust" for a while before someone, remembering our flight the next morning, comes up with the brilliant idea of trying "cs_747." The map is a little biased in favour of the terrorists, so Amir and Ali camp in the plane while Peter and I try in vain to rescue the poor hostages. The terrorists are so good that we become worried they might have trouble at the airport the following day! As a result of their success, from time to time during the rest of our adventures Peter and I would refer to Amir and Ali as the terrorists. Of course we carefully refrain from doing this while going through airport security.