Wednesday, November 30, 2005

How to make me love you.

Send me a text message that reads:

I love and miss your cookie face.

I'm not 100% sure as to what that means, but it has the word cookie in it, and
I'm involved. It must be good.

aerith at 2:13 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

How to make me laugh.

Dress extremely thuggish, wear a doo-rag and walk with a limp, but have N'SYNC blasting out of your headphones when I'm sitting beside you at the library. (What's up with you, anyway?)

aerith at 2:10 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Bassists with facial hair and sometimes dreadlocks break my heart and hurt my head.

You rarely think it will ever happen to you, but sometimes it does. It's the kind of thing that some fantasize about, and others are haunted by.

Being attracted to someone else while you're in a relationship can destroy everything. Well, almost. Maybe. Not really. It depends.

When you are in a serious relationship, you are expected to be, well, serious about it. That means not running off with the next person you check out at the mall. This requires a certain amount of self-control.

Being attracted to other will never stop. It will be an issue for the rest of your life, and no amount of marriages or children will change that. Sexual attraction is an inevitability.

Therefore, it's important to control yourself. You run into hundreds of different people a day. The odds are, you're going to find someone you're attracted to. The trick is to let it go. The only reason people go farther with meetings like this is because they choose to.

When your current relationship is on the rocks, it can be harder to choose. "Yeah, she's hot, and I bet she isn't as moody as ol' what's her name."

But, if you're in a healthy relationship where you truely care about your partner, the choice really isn't that hard. You'll find it's easier to be attracted to people yet dismiss them when you're in a secure relationship. It's in those moment you say to yourself, "Yeah, she's hot, but I could never relate to her as well as I do with my lover." Or "He could never care for me the same way."

I've noticed that if I find myself attracted to another guy, I dismiss him almost as fast as I became attracted. I don't dwell on, "Oh no, I like someone else, does that mean I should date them?" because it's not even an issue. It's reassuring to find myself in this situation because it reinforces the feelings I have for my current partner. I know that no one can hold a candle to him, so I don't feel guilt for being attracted, and therefore I can let it go.

If only I had this much self-control and confidence in other aspects of my life.

aerith at 10:54 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Monday, November 28, 2005

I did it, again. You think I would learn...

I'm trying to rationalize my behaviour, but I always come off sounding like a boyfriend who's been unfaithful.

"It was just once, it won't happen again. I promise. It didn't mean anything. It wasn't that important to me anyways. I'll end it tomorrow. I'll stop it, I swear. It didn't mean anything. It was only once. I won't do it again. I promise."

God damn me and my cheating heart.

aerith at 10:58 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Sunday, November 27, 2005

It's not that red, anyways.

aerith at 8:36 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Every Man Has A Soul (Unless friends introduce role-playing games to them.)

My friends and I were invited to a party
It was being thrown by our buddy Marty
As if it wasn’t enough that we were tardy…
- Someone had lost the directions.

Matt cried, “Oh! How I remember
When I visited Marty’s house last September
The house with step stones coloured amber…
- I think I know where to go.”

A few hours later in the pitch of night
We all became anxious, Matt wasn’t alright
His worried expression lit by the moonlight…
- “Oh crap, I think we’re lost.”

Through foreign neighborhood we wandered
Too disoriented to find home we pondered
All chances to have fun were squandered…
- Until we saw the balloons.

Reaching our destination got us excited
The place was packed with windows lighted
The name on the mailbox Tito sighted…
- It wasn’t Marty’s house.

A man at the door made us decide
Should we go in, or stay outside?
“As long as there is food” I sighed…
- He closed the door behind us.

Computers were lined up wall to wall
Ethernet cables ran down the hall
We’d stumbled upon the worst party of all…
- A massive LAN party.

A LAN party – for those who don’t know
Consists of Local Area connections fast and slow
Which host multiplayer games, not just solo…
- The nerds need to play together.

Insults flew across the room
“My Orc’s named Garbrack and that spells doom
For your pathetic Druid and his epic heirloom!
- Prepare to be owned, noob.”

Our Host suggested, “Play a game!
You can win wealth, treasure, fame!
Just enter here your Paladin’s nickname…
- I personally like Actaeon.”

Tito sat down, “Well, nothing can be done
As long as we’re here we might as well have fun
My expectations are low and – YES! I WON!”
- He would stay on for the entire night.

The next morning Tito still played on
And poor Bill had started at early dawn
I was hoping our stay wouldn’t be this long…
- We have to get out of here.

I tried to pry my friends away
But from computers they wouldn’t stray
“School isn’t necessary anyway…”
- They can stay with their stupid games.

The rest of us decided to leave
The gamers with their Orcs to cleave
Thoughts of them quitting I could not conceive…
- They never even said goodbye.

Those games on which they so depend
Ensure a life without a girlfriend
Their ravaged souls will never mend…
- They’re still plugged in to this day.

(Written for my english class contest. It's supposed to be an analogy of the Lotus Eater's episode from The Odyssey. I'm not expecting to win at all, I just wanted to share my writing. This is all completely true, except for the parts I made up.)

aerith at 11:05 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Friday, November 25, 2005

You kiss your mother with that mouth? No, I guess you don't.

You may have looks, popularity, talent, luck, intellect, and friends...

But I have this boy, and he carries me over puddles. Without asking. Now that's something right thurr.

So you can take your average looks, pseudo-popularity, "talent", bad luck, quasi-intellect and your fair weather friends, stuff them in your ciggie, and smoke it. (And eventually die of some mutative disease like... cancer, or something to that effect. Ok, don't die, at least get a really bad cough. Those are inconvenient.)

aerith at 11:43 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Thursday, November 24, 2005

How to make me sad.

Tell me, "I'm sorry, but you do not have sufficient funds to complete this call. Good-bye."

You bitch.

aerith at 12:14 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

How to make me love you.

Listen to me. I mean really listen to me, even if you're really sweaty and tired and hungry for CUUK EZZ. (All the while sounding convincingly interested, and throwing a couple points in now and again.)

aerith at 12:11 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Oh, If only it could be...

And I guess in the end it's the little things that matter. How he always calls me when I'm in an awful mood, and never fails to cheer me up. It's as if he knows when I'm crying... thank God for extra-sensory perception. Late night serenades always seem to entertain me, on-key or not.

I enjoy the daily e-mails. When he makes a spelling mistake, he always re-types the word, rather than backspace. It makes me think I'm reading something written on a typewriter, and that makes me all good feeling.

I love the funny texts during class, especially when they make a reference to food, and me with food. It's weird how a 31 character note can make you laugh so hard you get funny looks from your classmates.

I know we never see each other, but the small bits of communication make it seem as if we've shortened the distance.

Let's shrink the distance again tonight...

aerith at 7:58 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

This is my opinion, I don't care if you think it's wrong because I don't care what you think! Stupid head!

Out of all the phrases I loathe - and there are alot - the one I hate the most is: I don't care what people think about me.

I hate it because of what it is. Lies. Most of the people that say this don't really mean it. The others really mean it, but are still lying.

Most of the people who claim to 'not care what anyone thinks' are depressed because of what people think of them. Eg. the school slut, the 'sad emo kid', the school skank, the 'scene kid', the school whore, the 'hardcore ki-

Alright, so it's mainly whores and emo kids.

They are saying this because they care deeply of their image. If they truely didn't give a fuck what people thought, they wouldn't have to voice it. Because they wouldn't care.

These are the people that claim to not need to anyone, to be entirely self-sufficient. When in reality they thrive off acceptance more than anyone else. These are the people you see on myspace saying "I don't care what you think of me, fuck off, I'm just a loner but that's ok cause that's what I want to be. By the way, be my 5754th friend after you've read how good my taste in music is." It's all done to look good for others.

I'm not saying everything we do should be to appease other people, I'm just suggesting to be a little more humble, to accept the fact like you like to be accepted. There's nothing wrong with wanting to not look like the villiage idiot.

Everything we do is executed in a manner that will make us appear less stupid than others around us. That's why we don't pick our nose in public, or sing off key loud during a lecture, or walk around naked. (Well, ok, there are laws governing that... but only because they're concerned about what people will think of them.)

If you find yourself responding, "Oh, well I pick my nose in public all the time, and I sing off key loud during my Psych lecture all the time, and I walk around with my balls hanging out because I don't care what anyone thinks of me, I'm doing this all for me."

You're lying. Just come clean. It's OK to care about other people. It's OK to want to be accepted. There's no shame in wanting to fit in sometimes. You aren't going to be a 'conformist' or any bullshit like that.

You'll just be human.

aerith at 12:31 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Things I learned while brutally killing cops with a golf club.

It's not in the words that you told me
It's not in the way you say you're mine
It's not in the way that you came back to me
It's not in the way that your love set me free
It's not in the way you look
Or the things that you say that you do

Hold the line
Love isn't always on time

aerith at 11:40 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Monday, November 21, 2005

I wonder where Erick is these days.

Don't say it's nothing
When you're gone I make you up
This isn't forever

aerith at 4:34 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Not to mention you'll make my skin look less pasty white.

Dear Mr. Way (Or Gery, or snookums),

I respect your music, the fact that you make music, and that you really were never like this when I saw you years ago on tour with Finch and you were wearing a baseball cap and stuff and now you're all goth. I've gotten over that.

That begin said, can you please leave the make-up on? Personally, I think it looks mighty fine.

Sincerely,

Kristen

aerith at 8:13 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

RIP, Vanity Angels...

It's over. And I'm very angry outside but probably not as much as others are inside. It's frustrating to see a friend be so passionate about something, only to have other people fuck it up. Let's not even get into what to do with the domain. (I have some ideas, heh.)

On a lighter note, Lady Zen and I have a 2v2 tournament coming up this Friday. I would brush up on my 5ki11Z0r5 but a certain parental unit has taken Halo 2 away. I shall have to do without the practice.

May the Halo Gods™ be with me! (Because the Soul Caliber 2 Gods sure aren't.)

aerith at 12:28 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Young hearts, be free tonight.

Maybe you think you're doing what's best for you. You pretend the hurt is only temporary. You're the patient and he's the doctor operating on your open chest.

I bet it smells like new car in there. Your cruise-control heart is headed for a ditch but you don't know any other way of living so you just go along for the ride.

Maybe you're not in denial, you're simply in love. These things are usually one and the same.

He's in control, and you're helpless. Maybe part of you likes that. Maybe it's not too soon at all for anything. Maybe the lie you live isn't so horrible after all.

Maybe when the pandemonium is over and you discover that there never was really anything at all and even though it's happened you still cry every night and don't know why and just want it to stop before it runs through your veins back to your heart and destroys you.

Maybe you'll realize how wrong you were.

aerith at 10:14 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Monday, November 14, 2005

I'm sorry, baby.

aerith at 10:15 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Sunday, November 13, 2005

I feel guilty.

For being attracted to Gerard Way.

aerith at 11:08 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Where did we last leave off?

I don't want to be here or write this essay or try to motivate people when I can't even motivate myself. I'm trying to work but all I can do is complain and whine about how much I complain and whine instead of doing real work. I feel sick and frustrated. Like trying to snort lemon juice or swallow a watermelon, I can't cross one fucking thing of my to-do list or figure out my homework.

I didn't go to my graduation because it didn't matter. If I was really important to any of you, you'd still be in touch with me. You would call once in awhile, or send an e-mail to say, "How are you? I'm doing fine without you around." None of those people are real. They existed when I was in high school, but now they're gone. I didn't need you then, and I don't need you now to say "Hi" to me at some routine assembly where we're all supposed to be greater than we were before.

I don't even think about that anymore. All I think about is sitting on his bed, him laying back against me. Breathing in his shoulder, his arm resting over mine on his belly. I close my eyes and make it last forever. I close my eyes and know that when I open them, he will still be there.

aerith at 3:22 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

They don't matter anymore.

And to this day I don't believe you ever really cared. Everything was a routine, predictable. Our cookie-cutter conversations never really peaked my interest, I just continued them in the hopes of hearing your voice say the things I wished in my head.

I can't remember if you sounded as insincere then as you do now. It's like you go around befriending people, hoping the next one is better than the last. Do any of them ever really matter? Did I even matter?

Part of the fascination was wanting to be the only one who got you, the only one that understood how much everyone else didn't matter.

But that faded. I lost interest as soon as I gained it. We fell apart, and I was left wondering what we were ever friends for.

aerith at 11:36 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Monday, November 07, 2005

How to make me laugh.

Tell me you're going to kick me out of the house, when you can't even sleep through one night of "not knowing where I am."

aerith at 12:59 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Saturday, November 05, 2005

The more you know...

Each time I speak with Ethan, I always seem to remind him that I "like the cut of his jib." I've always said it at least once, and I've always meant it.

Except, I've never been exactly sure as to what it means. I assumed it was something pertaining to the character or disposition of someone. I believe I picked it up from Strongbad, because he has always been a major influence on my vocabulary.

Turning to my friend Google proved to be worthwhile.

In the days of sailing ships, nationality and rigs could often be distinguished by ther jibs. A Spanish ship, for example, had a small jib or none at all. Large French ships often had two jibs and English ships normally had only one. From ships, the phrase was extended to apply to men. The nose, like the jib of a ship arriving in harbor, is the first part of the person to arrive at a designated place. Figuratively, it implies the first impression one makes on another person.

Excellent. I've always wanted to talk like a sailor. Being nautical is the new thing, I hear.

PS. Thank you to Ethan, for t'key to me free x-box live account. Ye make me Roger jolly. However, me can't think of anyway to repay ye, for me be but a heartless wench.

aerith at 11:07 PM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Oh, if only Comm Tech would give me another chance.

I am so devastated right now, this doesn't even make me laugh.

...

Okay, it still does. But only because it's so goddamn funny. Thank you, Penny Arcade.

aerith at 11:02 AM

0 with insubstantial exuberence

About Me

I'm just a girl with a boy and a computer. My hobbies are reading, writing, gaming, coding, and pwning, and not necessarily in that particular order. Will code for food or webspace. more->

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