spent some quality time with me dad today. we chatted over a late lunch of crappy horfun and rice plate. talking about my uncle and his developments. It felt like old times again. But my dad gets so emotional when he talks about me uncle that he just cries. we spent the rest of the afternoon singing christian hymns and praying for my uncle. I played the piano with evie and we sang to some of uncle peter's favourite songs. We know he can hear us, even tho he can't respond. Ever once in awhile, you see the tear trickle down the corner of his eye... sigh... He must be in so much pain and not being able to express how he feels... he's lost so much weight his net weight just consists of bones and skin. We can only pray that the Lord give him peace and not feel the pain. at the same time, we know the Lord is sovereign in this all. Death will come to us all... the question is, are you ready? Gonna visit me uncle again tmrw - and did i mention how great it is to have a car? Thank you Thank you Thank you Anthony!!!
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 9:07 PM

"How to ruin a perfectly good day" & "Birthday Gifts 101" So I was craving a sausage mc muffin today... thanks to lisa. But anyways I decided to drive to 20th street to get one. Its not too far, but actually driving out there is quite a big thing for me. I've decided I've eaten pretty healthy this week so it's time to give my body a shock, PLUS i really wanted a sausage mc muffin. So anyways, at the drive thru I ordered it. and when i paid, i made sure i asked again if it was a sausage mc muffin. I picked up my order, drove home with eager participation and when I opened up the wrapper...lo and behold, it was sausage biscuit!!! and the egg was all wrong!!! scream!!! )(&Y$@()&$)@ I didnt want to drive back to exchange it so I had to eat it. I couldnt finish it anyhows because my tastebuds were rejecting it due to previous expectations of a muffin not biscuit and hence my entire body started to reject it. threw it out and now my day is ruined. it's so easy to make me so happy and so easy to make me sad. damn macdonalds. Since its my birthday coming up I'd thought i'd share a little bit about gifts. Not trying to hint anything. but it all started out with my dear friend Lisa. She bought my birthday gift 2 days ago. and i must say, it;'s one of the best gifts I' am ever gonna receive. So guess what it is? it's an additional 256 mb Ram for my laptop!!! woohoo!!!! Something i truly truly need but would have been to cheap to get it myself. That are the 2 rules of getting a good birthday gift. 1. something i really need 2. something i would have been too cheap/lazy/difficult to get. But inside I am still the helpless romantic.... so flowers still get me going... "awwwww..." but after that, I really dont know what to do with them! hahaha Practical gifts for a very practical engineer. :) You wont believe how hard it is to find standard sized staples here in the US. My staplers are all from singapore so they take the smaller sized staples. Now, that's a good gift considering I wont ever be able to find them around here. So those in singapore, listen up and send me some staples! the multi-colored ones are cute too. For those in T.O., jacob is a great place for gifts- considering we dont have jacob here! Especially the 3 for $9 low-rise black cotton underwear in size M! :P Man, Can i be more thick-skinned? Alright I have to go finish up my essay now.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 8:45 AM

meal of the day: 2 oreos dunked in milk with strawberry special k cereal... so yummy. I love the taste of strawberry and chocolate together.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 12:31 PM

Love Tech Support: Yes Ma'am, how can I help you? Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can youn guide me through the process? Tech Support: Yes I can help you. Are you ready to proceed? Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first? Tech Support: The first step is to open your heart. Have you located your heart Ma'am? Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running? Tech Support: What programs are running Ma'am? Customer: Let's see, I have past-hurt, low self-esteem, grudge, and resentment running right now. Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase past-hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override low self-esteem with a module of it's own called high self-esteem. However, you have to completely turn off grudge and resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off Ma'am? Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until grudge and forgiveness have completely erased. Customer: Okay done, Love has started installing itself. Is that normal? Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other hearts in order to get the upgrades. Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "error-program not run on internal components." What should I do? Tech Support: Don't worry Ma'am, It means the Love program is set-up to run on internal hearts but has not yet been run on your heart. In non-technical terms, it means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others. Customer: So what should I do? Tech Support: Can you pull down self-acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-self; Realize your worth; Acknowledge your limitations. Customer: OK, done. Tech Support: Now copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete verbose self-criticism from all directories and empty your recycle bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back. Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My Heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal? Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang-up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and it's various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 11:37 AM

here's an old one... when the fear sets in, where the fire burns. where i find a place where theres no place to turn. when the evening sings an eerie song, longing for the day you say i'm wrong. you can find your place, but never fit it. and only when you've left, do you know where you've been. I can see the light but only when it's gone. You can go on waiting but only for so long. I know we are right. It's not always clear. Because I've never felt the fear. Cant stay so good forever in time. i've always felt the rhythm... what happens when there's no more rhyme. Can't we face ourselves? Like we face each other. We've never felt anything on our own. I cant wait much longer to feel any danger. I hope we're not living for a lifetime alone.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 12:53 PM

Dad arriving in about 6 hours. Kinda excited yet scared. I guess me and me dad have gone through a tough patch the last couple of years. Estranged is too strong a word so maybe - strained is more like it... For reasons I will not go into. I pray that the Lord will mend whatever that is broken between us. Yesterday night ....was ... tough. had to go through the stuff that I had previously left at the ex's. I picked them up and went through the things which was more painful than I expected. I talked to Lisa about it and then Michi called... I really like talking to Michi. she seems full of experience and wisdom. she once wrote this 10 things you should know about guys sorta thing which was sooo good. and It helps that she's so funny! I hope that the Lord will bless our friendship and that we'll find out more each other and grow to become good friends. Cheers. Back to work now.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 10:00 AM

Anyone has a webcam? I've been webbying with some mates lately using msn 6.0. It's really quite fun. and its true - a picture speaks a thousand words. I've uploaded some pics of my room, which is finally taking shape, on my msn groups. Do check it out. I was going through some of my old e-mails today... and I know I really should delete those that bring back sad memories for me... But i really cant bring myself to. I've gotten rid of everything else...keepsakes, pictures, gifts, old movie tickets etc, but I just cant get rid of the emails. It's not even those long emails but even those short ones that i used to get... just cant hit the delete key. I know i really should but... i think thats the one part that I would like to keep. Cant explain it..makes me sad, sometimes makes me cry but just cant delete it. I read through some of the emails that I wrote to my past bf... and man, I cant believe how much in love I was. Where did all the love go? Is it possible that I was just able to switch it off like that? Was it really love to begin with? Was my decision to love a blind one? I dont know if I'll ever be capable of saying such things with such intensity and truth to anyone anymore. I feel like it's all been drained out of me ya know. Recharging process might take a long long time too... if there is one? Some people still ask me why i cant be friends with him... I really can't. And I think he knows best why I can't. I love my family dearly... miss my mum like crazy. She's like the best person in the world and everyday I feel so blessed that she is my mother. For those who havent met my mum, she is crazy fun and such a giving giving heart. The good I have in me is directly from her. I am who I am, also because of who my mum is. You have to meet her someday! If you're my friend - it's a must to be acquainted with my mum. My bestfriend, nat, loves her like crazy and my mum is always so welcoming of meeting my friends and hanging out with her. love you mum! xxx
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 8:56 PM

My dad is flying in tmrw at 4pm to visit my uncle I guess I will be spending alot of time with him while he is here this weekend and driving him around. I have a research paper due next week and a midterm as well so I'm REALLy worried I'm going to start off this term bad... if you know what i mean? Sigh...for those who pray, pray for my uncle ok!
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 10:52 AM

dang... it actually rains in california??? arrrgghhh... gloomy gloomy night. i hope the sun comes out to play tmrw man. did i mention that dad might be coming to visit my uncle on thursday? hope everything works out ok...
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 7:33 PM

oh imight get a visitor next week for my birtdahy weekend... quite excited. But i'm not gonna say much because I dont want to jinx it. Keeping my fingers crossed.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 6:57 PM

did i mention how GREAT it is to have access to a car? I went to target today to get some supplies, grocery shopped at ranch99 and went to valleyfair with my roomie. Got some great deals at AE tho. 5.99 cargo shorts!!! everythign was within 4-5 miles dirving distance which is also awesome. now my room is really starting to look like a room and now just boxes lying everywhere. hey do any of u watch star trek? while theres a race in it called the vulcans. Vulcans cant lie.. they're like the most honest people in the world. Anyways I have a friend Lisa who cant lie for the life of her. Her nickname will now officially be vulcan or spock. up to her. Speaking of nicknames... My friend Adele went scuba diving during the summer. She got seperated from her diving buddy even though just like nemo in finding nemo. So her nickname is now Nemo. - dont think she's too hot about it. but that girl is crazy ass smart. she's going to oxford to read pol science i think. damn those overachievers. I've had a fair share of nicknames too/ Mostly came from my bro back in the days and my girl, natalie. Let's see... banana, pirahna, joseph, jason, jason(in french accent), jojobear, jobear, JB, nana(pronounced nare-ner),nana(pronounced nah-nah), snufericious, jojocakes, jellystix... anyone want to share nicknames... oh here are some names i gave my friends... Bimi (cathy), nanapecanpoopuspie(nan), rozziepozzie (roz), poser (rosi), DJ (debbie), wangwang (angie), gimz(carol), bou(jennifer), leslie(nat), meow(kat), sim(jonathan), erniah(ernest), daveo (dave), mavi (mavis), chingster(ching), ster(esther), dr.feebz(phoebeinaustralia), fetus(phoebeinvancouver), jewels (julie), RYo(ryan), ET(eric tung)...many many more
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 6:56 PM

well no... the song below aint refering to my ex. Just a song by Poison that I really like. there is this guitar solo in the middle of the song that is just absolutely haunting and really stirs up some response inside of me. Here's the song for today, somethign a little bit more upbeat...presenting The Corrs. When the daylights gone, and u're on your own. And you need a friend jus to be around. I will comfort you. I will take your hand. and I'll pull you thru. I will understand. ANd you know that, I'll be at your side. there's no need to worry. Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry. I'll be at your side... if you feel like you're alone and you've nowhere to turn, I'll be at your side. If life's standing still, and your soul's confused and you cannot find what road to choose. If you make mistakes, you can't let me down. I will still believe I will turn around. And you know that, I'll be at your side. There's no need to worry. Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry. I'll be at your side, if you feel like you're alone and you've nowhere to turn . I'll be here. My favourite line in this song is... "If you make mistakes, you can't let me down". I guess the important thing is to know that people arent perfect but good friends are those that stick around nonetheless. This song's going out to all my great friends and it is my hope that I can be there for you when you need me. Cheers to friendship and thank God for providing them. peace out.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 9:55 AM

I've felt this before, now I feel it again. No matter how hard i try, this feeling won't end. So I pretend you're here by my side tonight on this lonely ride. keep telling myself that life goes on while you're miles away. Times goes on as night steals the day. there's nothing I can do. You heal up my wounds and I've tasted your tears. You spill out your heart so I let out my fears. But one fear I've kept to myself is how I've prayed that you love noone else like you said you loved me. Life goes on while you're miles away. Times goes on as night steals the day. There's nothing I can do. If you only knew how much I missed you. When my mind plays tricks on me, it shows me things I dont wanna see. That's why I tell myself now, I keep telling myself now, just take another piece of me. ~Poison.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 1:04 PM

btw uncle is very very sick. Cancer seems to be about to win the battle. He might go any minute now. I guess whenever the Lord wants to claim him. Heard my dad is flying over to see him cos my grandma cant make it. Grandma still hospitalised with minor stroke. Sigh... I visited by uncle over the weekend. Man... there is so little life in him left. But praise God because his spirit is still strong in the Lord. I might drive over later today or tmrw to visit again. but sometimes i feel like I"m more of a pain than a help. Especialyl when there are already so many people always there. I guess the important thing is to be there for my cousins. They are so little but have to go through such a traumatic experience. May the Lord have mercy on this family.
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 12:51 PM

so... I hurt someone really dear to me . sigh, I really didnt see it coming. but now that I have, I really wished I didnt do what I did. Sometimes you dont really think through the possible consequences of your actions before doing it. Cant always go with the flow because it might have repurcussions later on. especially when u hurt people u love. Too bad, the damage is done. I was faced with a dilemma lately, to trust someone with my heart... cant do it. not right now. I'd rather He take my life than to break my heart. I dont think I can trust anyone including myself to be in a relationship. Dating is OK but my heart's not ready for any heavy duty stuff. it boils down to the fact that I am incapable of trusting at this opint. I am always suspicious and expecting the worst to happen. U know what I mean? I guess that's what happens when u put too much into a relationship and get hurt in return. And now I am just relationship/commitment phobic. I remember someone asking me if I wanted to have dinner and 2 weeks from now, I told him I couldnt commit. hahaha told him I cant deal with any form of commitment right now. I was told by TMobile that i needed to sign a 1 year conteact for my mobile phone. I reallly had to deal with that one because even with that kind of commitment, it really scared me. hahaha Yes, it's that bad. well maybe one day i will be able to trust someone with my heart again. meanwhile, i am just wrapping my heart up in shrinkwrap, hoping it wont rot away, and put it in the freezer. I spent the morning doing laundry and cleaning up the house. Cleanliness is one thing that makes me really happy. Had a crappy start in the morning.. U know how sometimes some things just bother you? But you kinda just block them out cos you want to be happy? Well this morning, something that bothered me before came back to bite me in the ass... I then realised that I havent really dealt with it (no, its NOT the ex situation). I started to get really upset but imma learning to deal with it i guess. sometimes i think that i havent really dealt with my parents divorce or my dad re-marrying either. How does one know if there is true closure? How do you know if you've dealth with it for good? Or is it a continual process that will haunt you the rest of your life? Who Knows?
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 12:44 PM

ok so what happened on friday? Day went by way too quick... spent the day unpacking a little and then i went over to have dinner iwth Anthony zamora. He is such a sweet sweet guy.. he lent me his car for the entire week while he is insan diegO!!! Man, the luxury of having a car. Wow, I'm starting to get spoiled. Really like his cavalier, I think i'm developing a relationship with the car. hehe what really gets me is gas tho. But now I can visit my uncle whenever and get chinese groceries when I feel like it wihch is great. ;) Spent the night chilling with my cousins in the city and visiting my uncle. he's really sick... but his spirit is still strong. Praise God. Saturday was a great day cos I went kayaking with some mates. Man... I gave it my best for about 1 hour 58 minutes and really pushing it hard with Hiro. I must say he was the one behind most of the horsepowers but I really did try, hiro!!! We went really far out and came back about 5 minutes late which wasnt too bad. My entire upper body was so paralysed. Came hom and chiilled and then went out dancing later that night with my boys. Now my lower body is paralysed. IN anycase, Imma gonna shake it all out with tennis later in the afternoon> Never played with Erwin but hope he will take it easy on me. *winks*
posted by Jamba Shrimp at 11:29 AM