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Why I want one of the swords from the home shopping Channel
By Pumpkin Smasher
I watched the home shopping channel for over an hour last night and they were selling some fucking sweet knives and swords, I really wanted one but I don't have a hundred bucks to waste on a few pieces of metal, so I have to save up, while I am waiting though, I would like to explain why I want this sword.
First, the really cool sword was five feet long, long enough for me to just swing it around and look cool, and it was a Katana Blade like Leonardo from the Ninja turtles had so I would buy a blue bandana and cut eyeholes in it and walk around and scream tubular and eat pizza. Then occasionally I would just stop and stand on top of a big rock and hold the sword up in the air like He-Man and everyone would think I was so fucking cool.
Also whenever anyone pissed me off, I would have something to scare them away with. If you pissed someone off and they pulled a five foot sword out and said "come and get it fucker" in a really cool accent, I bet you would shit your pants while running away. You could be the king of the universe, and if the person was really out of line and didn't run away, you could like cut their ear off and sell it back to them.
Also I just want to walk around holding a sword up in the air and see what people do, I would think that they would avoid me, but maybe they would like walk up to me and ask me why I had a sword, then I would start yelling in a non understable voice, just talking jibberish about how the government did some shit to my brain and then start swinging the sword above my head like a helicopter blade. Hell yeah that would be sweet.
Plus, I could go to the mall with my sword, and go sit on santa's lap with a sword in my hand and see what he says. Then I would stand at the bottom of the escalator, so people couldn't turn back when they were coming my way, and I would pick random people and then take them up on some sort of makeshift stage and knight them, then I would ring a bell and yell and scream so everybody looked. Then I would leave the mall and go out into the parking lot and slash some people's tires if they like parked next to me and scratched my car's doors or something.
An added bonus was those fucking crazy guys trying to sell me the sword. The were throwing paper up in the air and slashing it as it floated down, that would just look sweetif I did it, especially on my school campus at lunch in front of like 10000 people, I would say I was auditioning for a video game or something and ask them if they wanted to be the person that I fight, they would get some cool weapon like a mace but since my sword is five feet long I would cut their fucking head off.
So know I really want that fucking sword, not only for tose reasons but also for the fact that the handle on it makes it look just like excalibur, so as soon as I get my hundred bucks saved up, you better fucking watch out.
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