Godiva's Hymn
As transcribed by a very tired Engineering student
Godiva was a lady, who through Coventry did ride,
To show to all the villagers her fine and lily-white hide.
The most observant villager, an Engineer of course,
Was the only one to notice that Godiva rode a horse.
(CHORUS)
We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the Engineers,
We can, we can, we can, we can demolish forty beers,
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum, drink rum and come along with us,
For we don't give a damn for any damn man who don't give a damn for us!
(OPTIONAL FEMALE CHORUS)
We are, we are, we are, we are the female Engineers,
We can, we can, we can, we can drink just as many beers,
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum, drink rum and come along with us,
For we don't give a damn for any damn man who can't get it up for us!
Said she, "I've come a long, long way and I will go as far
With the man who takes me from this horse and leads me to a bar."
The men who took her from her steed and led her to a beer,
Were a blurry-eyed surveyor and a drunken Engineer.
Late one night, an Engineer was lost in work and toil,
He set off to find a darling girl to help discharge his coil.
In little time he'd warmed her up, her resistance at a low,
They fluxed until the morning's light, when their fuses, they did blow.
Sir Francis Drake and all his men set out for Calais Bay,
They'd heard the Spanish Rum fleet was headed up that way.
But the Engineers had beat them by a night and half a day,
And though as drunk as they could be, you still could hear them say...
The modern engineer must be politically correct,
No more motors lubricating, no more buildings rise erect,
No more electrical capacitors whose plates are high and fair
Instead of problem solving let's just sit around and care.
A UofT Engineer once found the gates of Hell,
Looked the devil in the eye and said, "You are looking well."
Satan just returned the glare and said, "Why visit me?"
You've been through Hell already, since you went to UofT!
An Elec and a Comp challenged wits in a Bahen hall
Students gathered all around to watch the two great students brawl,
The Elec spoke of flux and fields for a minute, two or three,
But the Comp kept droning on and on and on recursively!
We saved our dough for years to send the kid to UofT
Although we knew it was a place of wild depravity,
But now we know our kid is safe and we should have no fear
He's never even heard of sex cause he's an Engineer.
We heard the old professor is ending his career
We thought we'd help him celebrate and bring a keg of beer,
But when we thought that we would have to share it with you all
We thought about it once again and drank it in the hall.
Venus is a statue made entirely of stone,
There's not a fig leaf on her, she's as naked as a bone.
On noticing her arms were gone, an Engineer discoursed,
"The damn thing's busted concrete and it should be reinforced."
The Jerry P. Potts trophy for the chariot race at SkuleTM
Had been stolen from the fold but Mario said, "Dis ain't cool".
So Mario recovered it, returned it to the throngs,
On the condition that the SkuleTM mates sing his praises in their song.
Godiva died, and where she lies, a bench-mark shows the spot
In any engineering text, its level can be got.
Godiva's now in Heaven, where she daily prays for beer,
But she'll have to wail till Heaven gets a Resident Engineer.
We're the biggest group of Engineers here studying our craft,
But we're mostly Eng Sci failures, so we usually get the shaft.
Us poor Elecs and Comps, we have no verse to sing alone,
But after all we are all nerds, so here, we wrote our own!
An Eng Sci man from UofT went out and drank his fill.
He came then to a strip joint, 'cause he had some time to kill.
The motions that he witnessed there excited all his nerves,
And he filled eleven napkins with equations of the curves.
A man sat in a tavern with a lovely Toronto lass
And stared when more than nineteen times she raised and drained her glass.
He said "You've outdrunk four strong men, and half the bar, my dear."
But the maiden smiled demurely and said she was an Engineer.
A UofT Computer man got drunk one fateful night
He opened up the console and smashed everything in sight.
When they finally subdued him, the judge he stood before
Said, "Lock him up for twenty years, he's rotten to the core!"
Some Engineers from UofT got loaded on a bus,
The driver took them to a town a long, long way from us.
They drank the local tavern dry and went to look for more,
When they couldn't find another bar, they stormed the liquor store!
An Artsie and Engineer once found a gallon can,
Said the Artsie, "Match me drink for drink, as long as you can stand."
They drank three drinks, the artsie fell, his face was turning green,
But the Engineer drank on and said, "It's only gasoline."
Other schools have mascots and they think that theirs is best,
But when it comes time, theirs do fail to pass the test.
Phallic imagery with mascots seems to be the norm,
But the Cannon is the only one that can truly perform!
My father was a miner from the Northern Malamute,
My mother was a mistress in a house of ill repute.
The last time that I saw them both these words rang in my ears,
"Get out of here you son of a bitch and join the Engineers."
Caesar set out for Egypt at the age of fifty-three,
But Cleopatra's blood was warm, her heart was young and free.
And every night when Julius said goodnight at three o'clock,
A Roman Engineer was waiting just around the block.
The Romans fed their concrete mix the blood of ox and men
The Mafia uses theirs to teach a lesson now and then
But for all their pretty tricks their evil cannot even tie
Our trusting it in a canoe to float and keep us dry!
For 50 years the Engineers at Queens have had our pole,
From Varsity they took it, and their F!rosh week was its role,
But 28 of our own went down, and with a cunning plan
We opened up an unlocked door and brought it home again!
Elvis was a legend, he's the King of Rock & Roll,
But the life that he was leading, well it finally took its toll.
He realized too late that he chose the wrong career,
So he faked his death, and came to Skule to become an Engineer.
The Army and the Navy boys went out to have some fun,
Down to the local tavern where the fiery liquors run,
But all they found were empties, for the Engineers had come,
And traded all their instruments for gallon kegs of rum.
My father peddles opium, my mother's on the dole,
My sister used to walk the streets, but now she's on parole,
My brother runs a restaurant with bedrooms in the rear,
But they don't even speak to me 'cause I'm an Engineer.
Engineers made tribute to the Cannon's might and SkuleTM,
Their cinematic expose turned out to be a jewel.
Soon after Innis was found bare and the campus rang with fear,
The Faculty of Film had been replaced with Engineers!
A wide-eyed Artsie Chemist and a Chemical Engineer
Were formulating molecule equations over beer.
Each drank a glass of water, but the Artsie hit the floor,
For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4!
I happened once upon a girl, who eyes were full of fire,
Her physical endowments would have made yours hands perspire.
To my surprise she told me that she never had been kissed,
Her boyfriend was a tired Engineering Scientist.
A fire hose by day and forty beers by night,
An Engineer may never sleep and still stay just as bright.
And if you ever ask her how she keeps up her routine,
She'll raise her trusty can of Jolt, smile and say "Caffeine!"
Godiva was a lady well-endowed there was no doubt,
She never wore a stitch of clothes, just wound her hair about.
The first man who ever made her was an Engineer, of course,
But on just one drink an Artsie fink once made Godiva's horse!
An Engineer once came to class so drunk and very late,
He stumbled through the lecture hall at an ever-diminishing rate.
The only things that held him up and kept him on his course,
Were the boundary condition and electromotive force.
On reading Kama Sutra, a guy learned position nine.
For proving masculinity, it truly was divine.
But then one day his girl rebelled and threw him on his rear,
For he was a feeble Artsie and she was an Engineer.
In Arts and Sci and at York there are countless untruths told,
About how our women Engineers are frigid, strange and cold.
But truth be told we men prefer lady Engineers, of course
And sleep with women learning friction, motion, stress and force.
Professors put demands on us, they say we have to tool,
But all we want to do is sleep, WE HATE THIS FUCKING SCHOOL!
You can bitch or tell us off, abuse us if you please,
But we're all set to graduate and ALL WE NEED ARE C'S!
Any Civil Engineer can go for days and days
Describing how concrete is used in oh-so many ways,
But not till one dark gray night of true debauchery
Was using it to float a boat considered one of these!
Joe E. Skule is 100, but he has a heart of gold,
He gave the meds his Skule house when it was 94 years old.
The meds were very grateful, but they have problems with precision,
For they use those T-squares and dividers when making their incisions.
Copulation, fornication, penetration, fuck,
Rim job, reem job, nose job, blow job, cunnilingus, suck,
Eating beaver, dipping wick, and taking it in the rear,
These words don't mean a thing to me, 'cause I'm an Engineer!
All Eng Sci types in second year are really in a plight,
They're the masochistic ones, who haven't seen the light.
After two more years they will be just as brain dead,
As any first year Civil Engineering cement head.
A maiden and an Engineer were sitting in the park,
The Engineer was busy doing research after dark.
His scientific method was a marvel to observe,
While his right hand wrote the figures down, his left hand traced the curves.
We'd like to welcome all the parents here to UofT,
But there are lots and lots of things we'd like you not to see.
Like sex and drugs and rock & roll, and kegs and kegs of beer,
But we would never touch the stuff 'cause we're the Engineers.
An Artsie and an Engineer were stranded on a boat,
One passenger too many, the poor boat couldn't float.
The Engineer would toss a coin to settle the dispute,
He tossed it in the water and the Artsie gave pursuit.
UofT was UofT when Ryerson was a pup,
And UofT will be UofT when Ryerson's time is up,
And any Ryerson son of a bitch who thinks he's in our class,
Can pucker up his rosy lips and kiss our purple ass!
When Mechs are feeling thirsty and when Civs are all worn out,
There's one place you can go, and that is SUDS without a doubt.
So next time you drink a rich, cold, golden, icy, frothy beer,
Get on your worthless knees and thank a Chemical Engineer!
Industrials have got the dates and that is a known fact.
It's not the way they part their hair, or in the way they act.
It's that they're such good lovers with that extra special touch,
Since you have to get that skillful when you fuck the dog so much.
An artsie lad in robes was clad and set to graduate,
A pompous gleaming spectacle he was upon that date.
But not a quarter hour after he got his degree,
He was serving fries to engineers from S-K-U-L-E!
The year that Mikey's double cohort came to UofT,
The F!rosh were not just underaged, but knew no High School glee.
When the campus parties all went dry, SUDS still flowed with beers,
And those sober college Artsies thanked their God for Engineers.
I'm graduating Eng Sci, and I feel I have to pout,
There's one thing in the world I have yet to figure out.
It's something Eng Sci drop outs seem to pick up from the Mechs,
Apparently it's pleasurable, I think they call it sex.
As legend goes an apple fell on poor Sir Isaac's head,
And Newtonian Mechanics then was born, took hold and spread.
Too bad he was a physicist and not an Engineer,
If he wore a hardhat, we'd have less class and more beer!
Rapunzel let her hair down for two suitors down below,
So one of them could grab a hold and give the old heave-ho.
The prince began to climb at once, but soon came out the worst,
For the Engineer rode up a lift and reached Rapunzel first.
Ace Towing roams the streets of Yorkville each and every night,
They tow the cars, and stow the cars and hide them out of sight.
They tried to tow Godiva's Horse, the Engineers said "Hey!"
They towed away the towing truck, and now the Ace must pay.
The Artsie thought he had it all, his girlfriend disagreed
One day she up and left him; he could not fulfill her needs
"Where are you going?" The Artsie cried, half-naked from the dorm,
"To find an Engineer," she said, "At least they can perform!"
Now you've heard our story and you know we're Engineers,
We love to hate our problem sets, we love to drink our beers.
We drink to every person who comes here from far and near,
Cause we're a HELL-OF-A, HELL-OF-A, HELL-OF-A, HELL-OF-A HELL-OF-AN-ENGINEER!
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