darkness & light : el cielo : patt's place : what i shouldn't have : where am i
2004 : jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2005 : jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov +
quebec visit : highschool grad : university life : victoria now and then
jan 31 '04 : 1347 : cloudy : reciting as best as i could
religion pt.3 : continuation
"so, how did it all begin? how did we end up here? ... the big bang theory, that's correct. but what happened before the explosion? science couldn't explain that part yet. ... so you say it just happened? it just clicked? but how? ... it's possible that god has created all of this right? ... so you think god is this naive person, who was bored one day, and decided to create the universe and all? ... ok, if it was only a mistake, why didn't he just take it all away? why are we still here? ... are most parents like that? ... are they good parents if one day they decided to abandon and ignore their kids? ... so, say you've done something wrong and you'll be punished, don't you think your dad would rather take the punishment for you? ... say at the end of our lives, we will either be sent to heaven or hell depending on our sins; and if god is our parent, and he loves us, what would he do to relieve our sins and punishment? ... exactly, he would sacrifice himself. now, say you're alone, and you know for a fact that your parents didn't abandon you, but somehow you got separated from them for a reason unknown, wouldn't you want to find them? say, one day you wake up in a city, and you don't know who you are and where you are, wouldn't you want to find your past? your origin? ... well there you go, that's the reason why, meaning, you want to live a life that has a meaning to it. to me, god is the most pure and loving being. he loves us all, and forgives us for what we've done wrong. wouldn't you want to find out what he is and discover your purpose here? if we go through life without believing in anything, morals, principles, then aren't we the same as everything else? aren't we just animals then? how are we different from a dog? are we only different because we have a brain? to me, if there is a god that's loving and caring, isn't he worth believing? isn't he worth searching for? i believe in god not because it's a normal thing to do, not because other people tell me it's good; but because i believe there is a meaning in life, i believe that god has a plan for me, not a set plan nor destiny though. and it's up to me to find the reason, my purpose in life."
"it would've been so much easier if this [religion] was implemented into our genes / brains from the very beginning."
"but then it wouldn't be free will. we wouldn't be able to tell right from wrong, because there would only be good. we wouldn't be able to fully understand our meaning in life because we were simply following what's right. god is not forcing us to believe in him, it's up to a person to believe in faith and all that. but he's always there, to help us and to guide us when we need help. he's never gonna turn away or ignore. in the end, what it really comes down to is discovering the purpose of life, finding a meaning to it all. and i believe that's the true meaning to religion, regardless of what it is, that's the true meaning to spirituality."
jan 31 '04 : 0009 : puffy snow : too tired to finish the whole entry
religion pt.3 : beginning
yesterday was a day of many events; it began: lunching with a friend at a vietnamese restaurant; buying myself a new desk lamp and an anti-virus program; and movie-watching at varsity cinema and book-reading at chapters and conversing with another friend about spirituality at tim horton's. i was inspired by the man's words. he is a spiritual believer, specifically, he believes in jesus, the son of god. during the conversation, he played the role of a disbeliever and asked me questions such as, "why must there be something more in life?", "why should you believe?" i was unable to give any decent responses; yet he continued, "why do you believe in honesty? isn't it easier to cheat?" by standards, i think it's apparent on why we should embrace honesty and not deceitfulness. but in a world full of differences, one might argue that standards were created by humans, and that we were forced to play by society's rules. or is there something beyond rules? isn't there something within us that constantly reminds us what is right to do and what is not, regardless of standards, rules? --- conscious; moral; or faith?
to be continued.
jan 29 '04 : 0112 : dirty powdersnow
religion pt.2
it is rather interesting to hear people's opinions, regarding the ever so popular topic of religion. naturally, those who believe in catholicism or christianity [it would be appreciated if someone can clearly differentiate the two, for me], or other forms of religion, well, believe it. and those who don't can come up with many reasons on why not to believe in religion. one of my friends came up with several good points. he said, and i quote,
"nobody should ever be influenced by any religion; we should all make our own mind, no pressure, no ....corruption, or conversion."
to him i said, no one can be pressured into anything unless they want to be, and i was not thinking about religion and/or god just because a friend challenged me to do so. he countered,
"just by talking bout it is too much. believe in what you want without knowing what your neigbour believes; and why? because it's a FAMOUS religion? or it SHOULD be the right thing to do? to be NORMAL? tell me why i should be considered a psycho if i pray the devil? it's MY beliefs, just not accepted cuz they're not standards?"
i have nothing to say to that. for i am still trying to establish my personal belief regarding religion and all. he has his points. and his views are his, naturally they cannot be wrong. i just find myself stranded in the middle of nowhere, constantly shifting back and forth from one position to another. maybe i am too easily influenced by others; too weak is my mind. a part of me want to believe: it is nonsense to go through life without believing in something; life has to be more than what it appears. or is it nonsense? only because we haven't the found the sense for it to make sense? [paraphrasing a line from my friend's grad write-up, i'm not certain whether it is original or borrowed] regardless, i still have a long road to go, before i find my own personal spirituality. to finish with tonight's entry, i shall share with the world my friend's conclusion to her grad write-up. i personally find it quite beautifully written,
"and lastly, no matter what, when the world seems vague and meaningless, when nothing is real or definite, when everything is changing and anythings seems possible, we can always count on kittens to be fluffy."
goodnight.
jan 27 '04 : 0059 : windysnowing
goodbye nacchi
i was having a good sleep until someone knocked on my door. naturally, i ignored. just as i was about to cross the brink of sweet dreams, i heard knocking; bangings to be precise. again, i ignored. but this time i was not so lucky: the brink of sweet dreams was lost. i rolled and rolled, in the hopes that the motion will help me find my way back, kind of like parents rocking their babies but consists of only me and myself, and no babies. ok, so it doesn't work, time to get up. to remain positive, i'll regard it as more time to accomplish more things.
now for something non-religious and non-thought-provoking, but very j-popish and of very little importance to most people: nacchi has finally graduated from morning musume. omedetou! [translation: congradulations!] the soul figure of the group is now gone, so what's left? i most certainly think that momusu will wave goodbye to the jpop music industry after aibon and nono's graduation in three months time. well, then i can dedicate all my love, music-wise, to my megami [translation: goddess; hey, that's kind of close to a god, right?], mika, and she will be releasing a new shinguru [engrish translation: single] in april, which i anticipate with much excitement. can she surpass the dazzling yuki no hana [translation: snowflakes]? only time will tell. i can even get the cd for my mom as her birthday present, i am sure she will like it. isn't it nice when things fall together so perfectly?
my petit second cousin, now this is a real cute baby
jan 26 '04 : snowing : happy birthday dad!
grand opening : talking to god
welcome world, to [home 108], for those who know me will/should understand the choosing of this name. if not, well, i live in residence on campus, and my room number happens to be 108. go figure. anyway, lately i've been reading a friend's blog and thought to myself, maybe i should start one too. just to keep up with my thoughts, in case there is something important i want to remember but don't have time to embed it into my memory bank. so here it goes.
yesterday before i fell asleep i decided to converse with god. a suggestion made by a friend whom i'm getting to know better these days. and earlier the night i went to church with him; he suggested that i should go 'take a look'. it wasn't the first time i've ever been to mass, but it was a different experience nonetheless. on our way back from church we were arguing about religion and the existence of god. me being the cynical non-believer naturally attacked every single point with which he came up. but in the end, i decided to take his challange, to find out who god is. hence my attempt to 'talk with god'. it certainly felt really weird to hear yourself talking to thin air with eyes closed. my imagination was running wild and i thought something was going to attack me in the dark. crazy. i guess, ultimately, i do want to believe that there is something more beyond life itself, like i have an actual purpose or something is there for me to accomplish before my life ends. but is there something? do we all have a mission in life? or is it like what i've thought all along? that church is just propaganda and religion is there to manipulate and use people to turn against one another? so many questions, so little answers.
music of the day : maaya sakamoto - tell me what the rain knows